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EL JALAPEÑO

El Jalapeño is a satirical news publication intended for entertainment purposes only. While our headlines may be inspired by real news events, all articles, quotes, statistics, and content are entirely fictional and created for comedic effect.

Nothing published by El Jalapeño should be construed as factual reporting.

¡Picante pero no real!

El Jalapeño: Mexico’s low birth rate prompts renewed calls to reinstate...

El Jalapeno - October 18, 2026 2

As birth rates continue to plummet in Mexico, officials are pondering alternatives not considered in at least five centuries.

El Jalapeño: Foreigner who opens message with ‘buenas tardes’ accidentally gains...

El Jalapeno - October 16, 2026 3

Skillful use of polite Spanish greetings paid unexpected dividends for a recent arrival in San Miguel de Allende.

El Jalapeño: US man who applied for Mexican citizenship confirms he...

El Jalapeno - October 14, 2026 2

While completing paperwork for citizenship, Mark Miller experienced a sudden blinding revelation of his new musical heritage.

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VIDEO OF THE WEEK

El Jalapeño: Mexico City chefs astonished after ‘Pay What You Can’ experiment generates only...

El Jalapeno - October 11, 2026 0

Mexico City chefs were dismayed when their ambitious "Pay What You Can" experiment was instead interpreted as a "Pay if You Want To" plan.

El Jalapeño: US politicians viciously harangue journalist who questions their lack of civility

El Jalapeno - October 9, 2026 0

Civility seems to have become a thing of the past in U.S. politics, but don't trying telling that to the politicians.

El Jalapeño: Bomb squad heroically ‘defuses’ suspicious churros found on Mexico City Metro

El Jalapeno - October 7, 2026 1

An elite tactical unit called out after a suspicious box of churros were left on the Mexico City Metro quickly made the problem disappear.

El Jalapeño: Guanajuato residents mistake arrival of French acrobats for third ‘French Intervention’

El Jalapeno - October 4, 2026 0

The unexpected appearance of Gallic acrobats over Guanajuato alarmed locals, who feared the coming of a new "Maximiliano and Carlota."

El Jalapeño: Mexico blasts France for delay in returning a book it borrowed 166 years ago

El Jalapeno - October 2, 2026 3

Mexico and France have become embroiled in a "war of words" after the latter took 166 years to return (briefly) a historically significant book.

El Jalapeño: Ensenada fisherman says latest catch, a US Navy torpedo, is ‘a keeper’

El Jalapeno - September 30, 2026 6

An Ensenada fisherman trolling for dorado reeled in a 600-pound U.S. Navy training torpedo instead, and is refusing to give it back.

El Jalapeño: Mexico City residents express civic pride in having the ‘world’s worst traffic’

El Jalapeno - September 27, 2026 8

Mexico City residents took to the streets to celebrate, albeit slowly, after officially reclaiming the title of "world's worst traffic."

El Jalapeño: Man who said ‘ahorita’ in 1998 finally returns neighbor’s tool

El Jalapeno - September 25, 2026 1

A Mexico City man who borrowed a tool from his neighbor and promised to bring it back "ahorita" finally kept his promise 28 years later, remaining true to the temporally flexible meaning of the word.

El Jalapeño: Tourists in ‘vacation mode’ not at risk from brain-eating amoeba, Yucatán health officials confirm

El Jalapeno - September 23, 2026 0

Brain-eating amoebas are real, say Yucatán Peninsula tourism officials, but confirm that the average tourist in "vacation mode" has nothing to fear.

El Jalapeño: Guest who said ‘bueno, ya me voy’ at 9:14 p.m. reaches front gate at 1:37 a.m.

El Jalapeno - September 20, 2026 2

Saying goodbye in Mexico is never easy, but dinner party guest Eduardo Ramírez found it slightly more complicated than usual, delaying his departure by more than four hours.