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EL JALAPEÑO

El Jalapeño is a satirical news publication intended for entertainment purposes only. While our headlines may be inspired by real news events, all articles, quotes, statistics, and content are entirely fictional and created for comedic effect.

Nothing published by El Jalapeño should be construed as factual reporting.

¡Picante pero no real!

El Jalapeño: Mexico and Japan to collaborate on new sargassum-themed restaurant...

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With tons of sargassum washing up on Mexico's Caribbean beaches daily, the nation has partnered with Japan on a tasty new restaurant concept.
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El Jalapeño: US enacts emergency guacamole rationing protocol following brief avocado...

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The brief U.S. suspension of avocado imports from Mexico set off a panic among the country's guacamole consumers.
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El Jalapeño: Tulum named world’s happiest destination by company no one...

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Tulum is the "happiest place on Earth," according to a travel insurance company with no real experience of the destination.
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VIDEO OF THE WEEK

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

El Jalapeño: In response to tequila tariffs, Mexico promises to raise duties on obscure...

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Incensed by foreign taxes on tequila, Mexico plans to retaliate with tariffs aimed at making obscure foreign liquors even harder to find.

El Jalapeño: Sheinbaum warns of the dangers of social media on her social media...

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President Sheinbaum is worried about the effects of social media on kids, a concern she recently shared via X, Instagram and TikTok.

El Jalapeño: Conjoined twins dominate synchronized swimming event in Mexico

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Despite complaints from other competitors, conjoined twins took first place in synchronized swimming at an important recent meet.

El Jalapeño: Tourism ministry rebrands falling revenue as bold ‘low-value visitor’ strategy

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Following recent news regarding the decline in "high-value visitors," tourist officials in Mexico have pivoted to an ambitious new plan.

El Jalapeño: Mexico City unveils US $127 million in drainage system upgrades to ensure floods only reach ankle height

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Thanks to a sweeping new drainage plan, Mexico City puddles are now legally constrained by height requirements.

El Jalapeño: Guadalajara residents to receive contaminated water at ‘very affordable rates,’ state officials say

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It might not be clean, but at least it's cheap!

El Jalapeño: ‘El Mayo’ urges Mexican kids not to do all the things he did for 68 years

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"Don't do drugs kids," says man who made billions selling drugs, kids.

El Jalapeño: Hummingbirds lead a very ‘unhealthy’ lifestyle, says Mexico’s Health Ministry

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Hummingbirds have been misled by evolution into adopting very poor dietary choices, say Mexican health officials.

El Jalapeño: President Sheinbaum recreates Tom Hanks in ‘The Terminal’ at the Cancún airport on the way to the World Cup final

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Mexico's president, Claudia Sheinbaum, was briefly trapped in the Cancún airport on her way to today's World Cup final.

El Jalapeño: In a historic first, Mexico warns its citizens against US travel due to explosive diarrhea risks

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Mexican health officials have cautioned travelers to the U.S. about the risk of contracting severe diarrhea from fast-food restaurants.

El Jalapeño: Pothole situation in Hermosillo improving, Sonoran transit officials insist

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Hermosillo has finally solved its pothole problem, city officials confirm, by consolidating into one immense, centrally located crater.

El Jalapeño: US and Mexican officials spend 6 hours negotiating who stands where at joint cartel raid press conference

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Making arrests was the easy part for a joint task force from Mexico and the U.S. Setting up the press conference required long negotiations.

El Jalapeño: San Miguel de Allende again named ‘World’s Best City’ by magazine writers who haven’t left their hotel pool

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Travel writers continue to name San Miguel de Allende the "World's Best City," often before leaving the grounds of their boutique hotel.
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