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El Jalapeño is a satirical news publication intended for entertainment purposes only. While our headlines may be inspired by real news events, all articles, quotes, statistics, and content are entirely fictional and created for comedic effect.

Nothing published by El Jalapeño should be construed as factual reporting.

¡Picante pero no real!

El Jalapeño: Mexico to reduce deficit by renting out National Palace;...

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Mexico is monetising the National Palace to reduce the deficit. The tanning balcony is now bookable by the hour. The east courtyard is available for quinceañeras. The tamales will be gone before you arrive. This is official government policy.
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El Jalapeño: 300-kg crocodile relocated for safety of tourists, even though...

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It's bold to tell an ancient monster of the deep to get out of its own home, but it looks like that's exactly what people in Puerto Escondido did.
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El Jalapeño: Hot Wheels announces expanded Mexico collection; will include mattress...

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Nothing says "Viva Mexico" like a toy garbage truck with a real, working airhorn.
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VIDEO OF THE WEEK

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

El Jalapeño: Mexico to build delicate, power-intensive supercomputer in seismically active, water scarce country

El Jalapeño El Jalapeno - 1
Earthquakes? Check. Water shortages? Check. Power outages? Check. There's nowhere better you could possibly build this thing.
Mystery fish

El Jalapeño: Mexican restaurants assure customers that, technically, everything still counts as fish

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When is a fish not a fish? Probably when it's on a menu in Mexico.

El Jalapeño: Local woman hosts 46 nations, defuses regional conflicts renovates stadium; Still no...

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Seriously Gianni, what more could you want?
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El Jalapeño: Mexico confirms World Cup visitors will be greeted by construction site, taxi war and National Guard before reaching baggage claim

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At this point, it's the only thing messier than the World Cup itself.
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El Jalapeño: Mexican architect one vote away from completing 500 year revenge plan

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In the running to complete Spain's most famous cathedral, one man from Michoacán is promising to finish what Cuauhtémoc couldn't.
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El Jalapeño: Simi sues Mattel, claims exclusive licensing rights over all dolls depicting Mexican people

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The new Regina Sirvent doll from Barbie has sparked anger from Dr. Simi, Mexico's premier master of moustaches.
Frida and Diego
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El Jalapeño: Netflix announces new series about the only two Mexicans who have ever existed

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There has never been another Mexican in the history of humanity. This is an indisputable fact.
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El Jalapeño: US ambassador reassures Mexico: ‘We’ve been so busy we completely forgot we were going to invade you’

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Thank the Ayatollah, we guess, then get ready for your latest bite of spicy fake news.
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El Jalapeño: FIFA overwhelmed as 44 other teams request World Cup matches also be moved to Mexico

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FIFA said no. Mexico said yes. 44 nations said "actually, same." Get your dose of fake news in the Jalapeño.
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El Jalapeño: Mexico hires Kristi Noem, cites ‘220 million dollars of free publicity’

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Our latest dose of fake news looks at a world where notorious pet lover Kristi Noem found a new career in Mexico's tourism industry.
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El Jalapeño: Trump warns Shakira her crowds are fine but his crowds are much bigger, maybe the biggest ever

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Those hips don't lie about their crowd sizes! Here's your latest dose of satire.
El Jalapeño

El Jalapeño: US launches ‘Shield of the Americas’ to combat cartels, neglects to invite countries where cartels actually are

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Big Don gets another new group of special friends, as our satirical news services asks what the point is meant to be.
A woman with an IV of coca cola
El Jalapeño

El Jalapeño: Coca-Cola celebrates 100 years in Mexico by aiming for 100% market share

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It's a different sort of Coke cartel, ok? Here's some more news that definitely didn't happen this week.
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