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EL JALAPEÑO

El Jalapeño is a satirical news publication intended for entertainment purposes only. While our headlines may be inspired by real news events, all articles, quotes, statistics, and content are entirely fictional and created for comedic effect.

Nothing published by El Jalapeño should be construed as factual reporting.

¡Picante pero no real!

El Jalapeño: ICE Agents having a wonderful time at World Cup,...

El Jalapeno - June 21, 2026 4

Technically, none of these people had valid U.S. visas, but then again, they weren't in the U.S.

El Jalapeño: Sheinbaum birthday plans include mud wrestling tournament, demolition of...

El Jalapeno - June 17, 2026 6

La Presidenta is likely to remain awake throughout the proceedings, however.

El Jalapeño: Mexico prepares for USMCA renewal after Trump says he...

El Jalapeno - June 14, 2026 2

This just in: Mexico preparing for yuge win, profiting bigly.

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VIDEO OF THE WEEK

El Jalapeño: Trump proposes tariffs on Mexican fentanyl, calls domestic cartel sector “tremendous opportunity”

El Jalapeno - June 12, 2026 1

Big Pharma is reportedly overjoyed at the news.

El Jalapeño: South African soccer team arrive in Pachuca, discover first opponent is the...

El Jalapeno - June 7, 2026 1

At least one player asked if they'd accidentally become part of the plot of Cool Runnings.

El Jalapeño: US Embassy introduces new policy to mind its own business

El Jalapeno - June 3, 2026 1

It turns out the State Department accidentally had Mexico listed as "State #51."

El Jalapeño: Mexico City schools move to slash in-class phone use to just 95% of the school day

El Jalapeno - May 31, 2026 1

Students are reportedly concerned that the reforms may lead to excessive education.

El Jalapeño: Mexico, EU sign historic trade deal to bravely protect world from duty-free sombrero shot glasses

El Jalapeno - May 29, 2026 3

After months of tense talks, mankind can rest easy knowing that the cheapest, tattiest of products will not flood our streets tariff-free.

El Jalapeño: American foodies devastated as Mexico City taco stand loses Michelin star

MND Plus - May 27, 2026 2

Heartbreak: now tourists will have to enjoy the rest of the city, instead.

El Jalapeño: Mexico activates ‘reconquest protocol’ ahead of Spanish King’s World Cup visit

El Jalapeno - May 24, 2026 3

This is not a test. Reconquest protocols have been activated in your area. Please report any suspicious men on horseback or Spaniards in full armor. Thank you.