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EL JALAPEÑO

El Jalapeño is a satirical news publication intended for entertainment purposes only. While our headlines may be inspired by real news events, all articles, quotes, statistics, and content are entirely fictional and created for comedic effect.

Nothing published by El Jalapeño should be construed as factual reporting.

¡Picante pero no real!

El Jalapeño: President Sheinbaum recreates Tom Hanks in ‘The Terminal’ at...

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Mexico's president, Claudia Sheinbaum, was briefly trapped in the Cancún airport on her way to today's World Cup final.
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El Jalapeño: In a historic first, Mexico warns its citizens against...

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Mexican health officials have cautioned travelers to the U.S. about the risk of contracting severe diarrhea from fast-food restaurants.
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El Jalapeño: Pothole situation in Hermosillo improving, Sonoran transit officials insist

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Hermosillo has finally solved its pothole problem, city officials confirm, by consolidating into one immense, centrally located crater.
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VIDEO OF THE WEEK

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

El Jalapeño: US and Mexican officials spend 6 hours negotiating who stands where at...

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Making arrests was the easy part for a joint task force from Mexico and the U.S. Setting up the press conference required long negotiations.

El Jalapeño: San Miguel de Allende again named ‘World’s Best City’ by magazine writers...

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Travel writers continue to name San Miguel de Allende the "World's Best City," often before leaving the grounds of their boutique hotel.

El Jalapeño: Mexico achieves win against France (just not in the World Cup, apparently)

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Isaac del Toro's historic Tour de France stage win doesn't count for the World Cup, sporting officials confirm.

El Jalapeño: Vatican elevates Soccer Baby Jesus to full pilgrimage status, citing ‘undeniable results’

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Can pilgrimages to the shrine of Soccer Baby Jesus help Mexico win the World Cup? It can't hurt, the Vatican says.
Trump laser etched avocado

El Jalapeño: Mexico proposes Trump-faced avocados to save the USMCA

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With negotiations ongoing to renew the USMCA trade agreement, Mexico has a bold new proposal.
Merlin the duck AI image for El Jalapeño

El Jalapeño: Duck gets legal approval faster than most Mexican infrastructure projects

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Mexico's World Cup dreams rely on its now official secret weapon: Luck-bringing Merlin the duck.

El Jalapeño: ICE Agents having a wonderful time at World Cup, jurisdictional questions remain

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Technically, none of these people had valid U.S. visas, but then again, they weren't in the U.S.

El Jalapeño: Sheinbaum birthday plans include mud wrestling tournament, demolition of National Palace wing

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La Presidenta is likely to remain awake throughout the proceedings, however.
Donald Trump eating a taco

El Jalapeño: Mexico prepares for USMCA renewal after Trump says he doesn’t want one

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This just in: Mexico preparing for yuge win, profiting bigly.

El Jalapeño: Trump proposes tariffs on Mexican fentanyl, calls domestic cartel sector “tremendous opportunity”

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Big Pharma is reportedly overjoyed at the news.

El Jalapeño: South African soccer team arrive in Pachuca, discover first opponent is the weather

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At least one player asked if they'd accidentally become part of the plot of Cool Runnings.

El Jalapeño: US Embassy introduces new policy to mind its own business

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It turns out the State Department accidentally had Mexico listed as "State #51."

El Jalapeño: Mexico City schools move to slash in-class phone use to just 95% of the school day

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Students are reportedly concerned that the reforms may lead to excessive education.
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