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SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE, Mexico – For the third consecutive time since Tuesday, the colonial city of San Miguel de Allende has been awarded the title of “World’s Best City” by an international luxury travel publication whose writing team has not yet moved from the shallow end of their boutique hotel’s heated plunge pool.
The latest accolade, bestowed by New York-based Vanguard Traveler, praises the historic center’s “unparalleled, unfiltered cobblestone authenticity,” according to a press release drafted on a waterproof tablet while senior writer Julian Vance waited for a second round of mezcal-infused palomas. The publication joins two other lifestyle magazines that have independently verified the city’s global cultural supremacy this week without ever crossing the threshold of the hotel’s heavy carved-oak entry gates.
“There is an irreplaceable, historic energy to this place that you can just feel vibrating through the premium terry-cloth of these complementary bathrobes,” Vance said, adjusting his sunglasses to better evaluate the architectural integrity of a nearby stone fountain. “When you look at the way the midday sun reflects off the artisanal rim of a hand-blown cocktail glass, you realize that other global cities simply cannot compete on a cultural level.”
The trend has raised logistics questions among local hospitality staff, who note that the rigorous evaluation process for the multi-page travel features has historically been contained within a 40-meter radius of the swim-up bar. According to internal resort data, the writers’ deep dive into Mexican heritage has so far consisted of analyzing three distinct varieties of poolside guacamole and observing a local hummingbird for roughly 90 seconds.
Spokespersons for the international publications defended the thoroughness of their methodology, noting that a panoramic view of the Parroquia de San Miguel Arcángel is completely visible if a writer tilts their lounge chair exactly 15 degrees to the left. The editorial board confirmed that while they intend to explore the city’s celebrated art markets, culinary scene and historic plazas, doing so would require putting on real shoes, which could compromise the relaxed objectivity required for the upcoming September issue.
As of press time, a fourth international travel magazine was reportedly preparing to declare the municipality a “UNESCO-worthy bastion of timeless human spirit,” pending the arrival of a fresh order of poolside club sandwiches.
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