Gringos and Mexicans make a pretty good match. We really do like each other! Our cultural personalities mesh well. Think the opposite of the friction often noted between U.S. and French citizens. Or British and French citizens. Or anyone and French citizens.
But even the loveliest matches don’t love and admire each other 100% of the time.
Sometimes, we downright annoy each other, or worse, offend each other!
When Not to Be Offended
As is often the case, simple misunderstandings can lead to some Big Feelings. When it comes to gringos in Mexico, there are some pretty predictable circumstances. But fear not! Behold, reasons for you to not suspect you’re getting especially raw treatment:
When you feel like the entire country is conspiring to not let you get anything done “on time.”
Don’t worry! That is not what’s happening.
Because, as you’ve discovered if you’ve spent any amount of time here, rushing is no national value. Things get started when they get started and they get done when they get done. Chill. If you’re always in a rush, then this is not your perfect match. Swipe left and go find yourself a nice little town in Germany.
This includes parties, by the way. People will show up an hour or three later, and it doesn’t occur to anyone to apologize for it. Why? Because the important part of it is being there (and by the way, you can likely stay until the sun comes up).
What offends them: Want to get a Mexican as annoyed with you as you might be feeling? Show your impatience, and be loud and obvious about it.
We gringos tend to be a little obsessive about wanting all the information we can get before making a single move.
Unfortunately, that’s not always possible around here.
Want to get the official scoop on a specific neighborhood? Too bad. Want to have the complete list of items you need for a dreaded trámite before arriving? Ha! You’re funny. Think you can have a look at the dogs up for adoption at the local shelter online before arriving? Oh, honey.
If you’re going to hang out in Mexico, bringing along your sense of adventure is essential. Preparation is for suckers, and plus, it makes things less fun! You’ll find out when you get there.
What offends them: You treat someone like an idiot for not knowing what they “should” ahead of time. Obsessively researching everything before diving in just ain’t their style.
When you’ve got noisy neighbors, there’s no “beat ’em.” You can either join ’em or die mad about it.
Mexico is not a quiet place. If you want a quiet place, this is not the country for you. But look: no one is trying to bother you by making noise. We’re all just used to there being a lot of noise a lot of the time; it’s part of life, and most people don’t notice it.
You getting upset about noisiness seems about as logical as getting upset that it’s windy. Okay, it might be annoying, but what are any of us going to do about it?
It’s true, you can call the police. Some people do, actually. If the noise is above the level of, say, a Metallica concert, they come and might tell them to pipe down. Then they’ll leave, and the volume will go back up. Get some earplugs?
@delacruz20340 #secomprancolchones #conbuenhumor ♬ sonido original – Delacruz20340
What offends them: People coming to visit or live in Mexico on purpose and then complaining. One of the most popular and endearing phrases in Mexico: “Si ya saben cómo soy, ¿para qué me invitan?” (You know what I’m like, so why’d you even invite me?)
Happily Ever After, Anyway
But like I said before: there’s no such thing as the perfect pair. And there are plenty of things to love and admire about each other. So try not to get too worked up about things, my fellow countrymen.
And if you do, give yourself a nice time out. Preferably with a beer (or a shot of tequila if it’s been a particularly rough day). Say what you will about casual alcoholism; at least it’s relaxing. Invite a friend!
Just don’t expect them to arrive on time.
Sarah DeVries is a writer and translator based in Xalapa, Veracruz. She can be reached through her website, sarahedevries.substack.com.
This is almost certainly the best essay I have read about being a gringo moving to Mexico full time. The only item that I haven’t experienced here in BCS is the timeliness thing. I hosted my first formal dinner party two days ago, with 10 guests, all Mexican. The cocktail hour was to begin at 5:30 PM, and the first guests arrived ten minutes before that, with all there on time. When I go fishing and my captain says 5 AM and I show up at 4:45, I am late. Perhaps that is because I live in a fishing town, where early starts are essential.
But the other items are so true! The noise is a big issue with the gringos here. I just reply with a question: Why are you so upset about the sound of hard-working people having fun? And about not always having all the information before you commit to a plan? Some of the best times I have had here in BCS are the many times a friend and I have seen a dirt track either from the highway or GoogleEarth and then setting out to intentionally get lost. Oh, the places we have seen. Often a full day of very extreme roads and then coming out to a place we didn’t even know existed, never seeing another vehicle the whole way. It is such a liberating feeling.
Good work Sarah!
Mexican culture can’t change weather patterns, fish behavior, or tides. So that’s why your captain is punctual.
Good insights. I love Mexico!
Hit the nail on the head! I say to the complainers…”if you don’t have a sense of humor, are impatient and are inflexible, you came to the wrong country”!
I’ll save my complaining for the line to get into México en la Garita de Otay, Tijuana. I hear noise in my neighborhood all the time but I LOVE the Mexican and Puerto Rican (reguetón) music. I have a neighbor whom I call “El Cantante” (mi novia calls him just “borracho”) who sings at all times of night somewhat operatically but I have no problem sleeping and consider myself blessed to have him nearby. There are car alarms but then I have them AND jets here in Ocean Beach. And, then they get to hear my bagpipes.
While gringos are much more averse to loud music, I’ve been in any situations where Mexicans also complain (which makes me very happy!). My husband and I were once staying in a hotel on a pedestrian street in Durango, when a guy set up his uber-loud music box rand started dancing. One of the shopkeepers came out and asked him to please turn it down. She told me later that she was really exasperated with the loud music. I felt so vindicated & hadn’t said a word!
I lived somewhere with “fireworks” going off probably 100-180 days of the year. Not an exaggeration, either. At a minimum 2 days a week–that’s a quiet week–whereas 4-5 would be more typical. Every week of the year and I lived there for 2 years. Sure, the Catholic calendar has a gazillion holy days, but it can’t be that.
People–a mix of foreigners and Mexicans trying to chastise us–would constantly say “That’s just how MEXICO is” but then other Mexicans would say “No, it’s not.”
I’ve lived in three places in Mexico over the course of 4 years and that was the ONLY place like that.
I say “fireworks” with scare quotes because they are just shells that blow up and make noise, there’s no display to see. Constant explosions that go until 5 am and can start at 7 am.
Love this and so true. We are guests in a wonderful nation. Fellow USA – lose your entitlement, stress less, change your clock and time expectations – you will be healthier for it and make more wonderful friends. Turn it up!! Ear plugs are cheap or I use my loud ventilador for the white noise. What dog is barking? I don’t hear it …. jajaja
I love these true expressions. After living in the US for decades, I must admit that it took me “a minute” to get used to slowing down and being more patient. Now, I feel less stressed. So, for those who are just arriving, if you still love a lot about Mexico, give yourself some time to get used to the culture in your new home. It is worth the wait!
After many years of living in very rural North Carolina, I was sick to death of the peace and quiet. Told my husband that when we moved to Mexico, I wanted to be right in the middle of everything, and we are. I love all the racket and sounds of life!
But I also have said that “God had me move to Mexico to teach me PATIENCE!” Still not perfect at it, but getting better every day.
I get very exasperated with all the running around and waste of time and paper involved with the Seguro Social. Once I was complaining to the doctor and was about to say the system had one foot in the 19th century and the other in the 21st. But she cut me off before I could finish and said, “and the other in the 18th.” She was sympathetic. I probably won’t change much from wanting to plan things and follow through with the plans and liking things to be efficient and organized, but there are enough things I like about Mexico to balance what I don’t like (the noise, the lack of respect for pedestrians, the cutting in line). What I like best are the good friends and neighbors here who are like–or maybe better than–family.
Many Americans will never learn, because they think that they are superior. They don’t adapt, they don’t want: to integrate, to learn Spanish, to use pesos, to learn and use the metric system -there are over 195 countries in the world, and all but three of them use the metric system. These three countries – Liberia, Myanmar, and the United States – insist on utilizing the outdated imperial system.
In Mexico, they like to have the same environment they had in the USA, forming American enclaves.
well i have lived her 8 years. i can get by with the little things you mentioned above. 1. it is only showing me respect when they say they are coming on a Tuesday and dont showup. mexicans are very big on respect my time is important no matter where i live and a phone call is all it takes to say im not coming today. so i dont wait all day are they coming.
2. telling me they know how to do a particular job when they dont know. you know call them to come back and fix he job and they dont call you back. Ask me how many times that has happened to me. many of the female gringos have come to the conclusion THEY ARE WOMEN WHAT DO THEY KNOW