Do you live in Mexico, and are you wondering about sex in your 60s? Jenna Mayhew has been working as a psychologist in Mexico for eight years. At her practice, Hola Therapy, she has made it her mission to help foreigners living in Mexico, Mexicans with a foreign partner, foreigners with links to Mexico and Mexicans with links to foreigners or foreign countries.
Now, Jenna answers MND readers’ questions on the pressing issues of relationships, mental health and navigating changes that come with relocating to and living in Mexico.
Dear Jenna,
I’m a 63 year old woman and I’m living in Mexico. I’ve recently started dating again. What are realistic expectations for a sexual relationship at my age?
Shy but open
Dear Shy but open,
What a great question! It sounds like you’re stepping into an exciting new chapter, and it’s completely natural to feel both tentative and hopeful.
Let me start by saying that you can set your expectations high! Many people find that their sex lives improve with age, experiencing higher sexual satisfaction than younger adults. Further to that, the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2021 found that 10% of adults over the age of 90 remained sexually active. So you potentially have many more decades of great sex ahead of you.
Despite the improved enjoyment and satisfaction, it’s important to acknowledge some physical changes that come with age. Physical health problems such as arthritis, chronic pain or incontinence can complicate sex. The sex organs themselves start to function differently. The vagina can shorten and narrow and there’s less vaginal lubrication. In men, erectile dysfunction (impotence) also becomes more common. Even when erections are achieved, they may not be as long-lasting or rigid.
In your 60s, it’s common that more time is needed for physiological arousal for both women and men. This is a normal and to-be-expected change. It shouldn’t be considered a reflection of the attraction your partner has to you or vice versa. Conversely, pain is not and should not be considered normal. There are often relatively simple solutions that doctors, pharmacists and therapists can offer and physical changes need not be a barrier to a healthy, safe and very satisfying sex life.
I want to add that many adults/older adults haven’t received the type of sexual education that is common in school these days. So it’s worth mentioning that even if pregnancy isn’t a risk, you still need to protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If you choose to be exclusive, you may want to both be tested. This applies to same-sex sex as well. Given that almost half of older lesbians have had heterosexual intercourse at some point in their life, and that female-to-female transmission of STIs like HIV is possible (albeit rare), protection against STIs is still needed.
At this age and stage, you have a great opportunity to create the kind of sexual relationship/s that you’d like. Don’t hesitate to educate yourself and seek support from professionals. Here’s to a long, joyful, and fulfilling sexual future!
Jenna
Ask your questions
To submit your question to Jenna, leave a comment on this article with the heading “QUESTION”. Please include as much detail as you would like to about yourself (age, location etc) and why you are interested in the question.
Jenna Mayhew is an Australian psychologist based in Mexico, with over 20 years of experience in Australia, England and Mexico. She is the founder of Hola Therapy, a bilingual practice dedicated to supporting the immigrant and cross-cultural communities in Mexico.
Hola Therapy aims to give back to the community and one way they achieve this is by providing by clinical and financial support Misión México Foundation. https://www.misionmexico.org Misión México Foundation is a charity in Tapachula, Chiapas, Mexico. They provide a stable, therapeutic environment for some of the state’s most vulnerable children, with a focus on safety, emotional recovery and education.
If you have enjoyed the “Ask Jenna” column, please consider giving back by making a small donation to the Misión México Foundation
