El Jalapeño: Farmacias Similares announces repatriation employment program; returning Mexicans to be given foam costumes and told to dance

All stories in El Jalapeño are satire and not real news. Check out the original article here.

MEXICO CITY — Following Heineken’s widely praised “Welcome Back, Paisano” campaign, Farmacias Similares announced Monday that it too will offer employment to Mexicans repatriated from the United States, through an expanded Dr. Simi costume performer programme it described as “a great opportunity for people who have proved their positive outlook, extreme endurance and willingness to do whatever it takes to succeed.”

The program, dubbed “Bienvenido a Casa, Paisano — Ahora Baila,” will place returning Mexicans in Dr. Simi foam costumes outside Farmacias Similares locations across the northern border region, where they will dance continuously for four-hour shifts to attract customers.

Dr Simi mascot with Facundo Gómez
A potential victim of the scheme surveys a Dr. Simi suit. (Farmacías Similares/Instagram)

“These are people who crossed deserts, built cities, and survived the American immigration system,” said a Farmacias Similares spokesperson. “They are more than qualified to wear the costume.”

The costume, which weighs approximately 8 kilograms and maintains an internal temperature that employees describe as “challenging,” will be provided at no cost to the worker. The dancing style is unspecified but must, per company guidelines, be “joyful, continuous, and visible from the road.” Workers are permitted to stop dancing during earthquakes and during official government emergencies. They are not permitted to stop during rain.

The campaign’s creative brief describes deportation as “not an ending but a new choreography,” a line that the copywriter has since asked to have removed from their portfolio.

Farmacias Similares confirmed that Dr. Simi’s own extensive international experience — having been thrown at concert stages in at least fourteen countries — gives the mascot a unique credibility as a symbol of cross-border resilience. “Dr. Simi knows what it is to travel far from home and land somewhere unexpected,” the spokesperson said. “He relates to these people on a personal level.”

Phase One of the program will create 34 positions. There are approximately 160,000 repatriated Mexicans currently in the border region. Farmacias Similares said Phase Two was under development and would be announced “when the costumes are ready.”

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