El Jalapeño: FIFA overwhelmed as 44 other teams request World Cup matches also be moved to Mexico

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ZURICH — In what sports officials are calling “a completely unprecedented logistical nightmare that is also somehow entirely predictable,” FIFA confirmed Monday that 44 of the 46 nations competing in the 2026 World Cup have formally submitted requests to relocate their group-stage matches from the United States to Mexico, citing a broad range of concerns including active conflicts, diplomatic tensions, trade wars, “general vibes,” and one submission from Uruguay that simply read “you know why.”

The flood of petitions began after Iran’s national soccer federation asked FIFA to move its matches from Los Angeles and Seattle to Mexican venues following statements from U.S. President Donald Trump suggesting the Iranian team should skip the tournament “for their own life and safety.” Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum immediately offered to host Iran, opening what FIFA sources described as “a Pandora’s box the size of Estadio Azteca.”

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Within 72 hours, requests poured in from across the globe. Colombia cited “the general atmosphere.” South Africa submitted a 47-page legal brief rejecting Elon Musk’s citizenship. Bolivia’s request contained only a weather map of Dallas in June. The French federation’s petition was written entirely in French but, per a FIFA spokesperson, “made several compelling points we are not legally permitted to discuss.”

Algeria, Ivory Coast and Senegal submitted a joint application citing historical grievances too numerous to list, while Haiti’s federation asked to play all three of its matches on the same day in Guadalajara “to minimize exposure.” Australia’s request was reportedly filed just because everyone else was doing it.

FIFA rejected all relocation requests, releasing a statement emphasizing that the United States remains “fully capable of hosting a secure international tournament,” before quietly adding a second page assuring teams that local law enforcement had been “briefed extensively” on the concept of diplomatic immunity.

The only two nations not requesting relocation were the United States and Canada. Canada’s federation declined to comment.

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