El Jalapeño: Foreigner who opens message with ‘buenas tardes’ accidentally gains three aunts

All stories in El Jalapeño are satire and not real news. Check out the original article here.

SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE, Guanajuato — A recently arrived resident of San Miguel de Allende who attempted to adhere to local etiquette by opening a WhatsApp message to his neighbor with a proper “buenas tardes” found himself fully integrated into a local family structure, added to a multi-generational group chat and assigned three distinct aunts within two hours.

Arthur Pendleton, 38, had originally intended to send a brief text asking for the phone number of a reliable plumber to look at a slow-draining sink. Remembering advice from an online guide to Mexican social norms, Pendleton typed “Buenas tardes, Don Héctor, espero que se encuentre muy bien” before posing his question.

Within days of his arrival in San Miguel, Pendleton was added to the “Familia García y Amigos 2026” WhatsApp thread. (This image was generated using AI tools)

“I expected a phone number or a quick thumbs-up,” Pendleton said Monday, adjusting to the rapid expansion of his domestic commitments. “Instead, Don Héctor called immediately, invited me to Sunday lunch, introduced me to his sister Doña Rosa, and within 20 minutes she had brought over a container of caldo and called me mijo.”

By 3 p.m., Pendleton had been added to a WhatsApp group titled “Familia García y Amigos 2026,” which generates roughly 140 messages a day consisting primarily of animated morning greetings and detailed updates regarding regional weather patterns.

According to family members, the transition was a direct consequence of basic civil protocol.

“If someone sends a message that simply says ‘Send plumber number,’ you give them a number,” explained Doña Rosa, who confirmed she considers Pendleton family despite having only interacted with him once prior when he was standing near a gas truck. “If someone takes the time to say buenas tardes, that is family; and you cannot let family fix a sink on an empty stomach.”

Sociologists who study diplomatic integration note that while foreign residents often fear social isolation upon moving abroad, the primary hazard in Mexico is accidentally agreeing to attend a child’s first communion within 45 minutes of asking for directions.

At press time, Pendleton confirmed he had been assigned to bring extra ice to Christmas dinner, with Doña Rosa reassuring him that he only needed to show up “si se puede, no te preocupes,” an expression that legal scholars confirm leaves zero grounds for absence.

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