All stories in El Jalapeño are satire and not real news. Check out the original article here.

PERIBÁN, MICHOACÁN — Expressing what he called a “fundamental betrayal of the dip-chip social contract,” American tourist Brad Kowalski, 43, confirmed Tuesday that he had flown to the Mexican state of Michoacán specifically to witness 800 people make nearly seven metric tonnes of guacamole, only to discover that no tortilla chips would be provided.

“I just assumed,” said Kowalski, staring blankly at approximately 6,800 kilograms of the world’s largest certified serving of guacamole, certified by Guinness World Records on November 20, 2022. “Like, logically. You make guacamole, you serve chips. That’s not a cultural thing. That’s physics.”

Kowalski, who had booked a connecting flight through Mexico City after reading about Peribán’s inaugural Avocado Expo, said he was “fully supportive” of the endeavor in principle, calling the three-and-a-half-hour production effort by local residents “genuinely impressive, the guacamole objectively exceptional and the overall experience delicious.”

He ate four portions. He ate them off a tostada. He did not make eye contact with anyone while doing so.

Locals were unfazed by the critcism. “This is avocado country,” explained one vendor, with the calm of a man who has never once considered a Tostito.

“I’m not saying they did anything wrong,” he said carefully, boarding his return shuttle with the thousand-yard stare of a man rethinking several life choices. “I’m saying there was a communication gap. Between me and reality. About chips.”

Kowalski has since posted a four-star review of the event. He took one star off for the chips.