While chatting with a woman headed to Hawaii at the San Diego airport, I explained that my husband and I live in Mexico for part of the year.
“Are you able to help the folks down there?” she asked.
“Help?” I asked, bristling. “Well, I like to connect with people. I don’t know about ‘helping’ them.” I was annoyed by her comment, the idea that Mexicans need help. I did not decide to move to Mexico to be some kind of missionary, but rather to experience a different way of life, culture, language and worldview.
There’s nothing wrong with helping, of course. In fact, I think it’s important wherever we are to contribute to the society where we live. Many expats I know, not only in Guanajuato where we live, but all over Mexico, volunteer their time, energy, and money to support their local communities — and that’s a good thing.
But the attitude that Mexicans need our help and that we are in a superior position to offer it is condescending and disrespectful. Besides, I could use some help myself. In Mexico, I notice how impatient and intolerant I can be. Nothing like living in another culture to wake you up!
I thought about this again when I offered to give a series of presentations on personal health to working-class moms through DIF, the Mexican federal government department whose mission is to strengthen the welfare of families. I’d led similar workshops in the United States, so the content of my talks in Guanajuato was not new. But giving them in Spanish was something else!
I prepared for a couple of weeks, working with my Spanish tutor to review my grammar and vocabulary. Then, she and I spent another session discussing the dynamics. How could I engage the audience members and get them involved? What could I expect from the participants? Would they respond to questions or sit there passively? Would they interact when I offered an exercise?
During this period, a new Mexican-American acquaintance with whom I was discussing these presentations unexpectedly challenged me. She said that she thought what I was doing was insulting and that it was inappropriate for me, as an outsider, to offer my expertise.
I was so blindsided by her criticism that I didn’t dig in and try to find out why. Later I talked it over with my tutor — the last thing I wanted to do was insult people! She disagreed with my friend, pointing out that I wasn’t taking a job away from anyone but simply offering information as a volunteer. Since the director of the agency had welcomed my ideas, it seemed unlikely that I was being offensive.
Painful though my friend’s comments had felt, her feedback did ultimately help me, though I never felt comfortable with her again. I realized I didn’t want to come across as an expert with answers, telling people what they “should” do; rather, I wanted to be a peer, another woman trying to figure out how to take care of her mind and body in a complicated world. And I also wanted to honor the wisdom and intelligence of the women I was addressing. Particularly in a male-dominated, classist-based culture like Mexico, I sense that women often feel inferior, inadequate and “wrong.” If these women did indeed feel that way, would it be possible to help them feel stronger?
With that in mind, I went through the content again and shifted the emphasis so that it was more about reinforcing the healthy habits Mexican moms already had, and less about improvements they could make. For example, in my talk on walking, I started by asking the women how they had arrived at the center where I gave the presentation. All but two had walked. Congratulating them, I said, “I imagine owning a car sounds good, but you’re actually far fitter because you walk every day, rather than many of my compatriots who drive.” And it’s true; in Guanajuato, most residents conduct their lives on foot and by bus.
In my talk on healthy eating, I pointed out that while it’s true junk food has become unfortunately common in Mexico — as everywhere — there’s nothing better than the traditional Mexican diet, rich in beans, fruits and vegetables.
Meanwhile, there were several surprises in store for me. After my presentation on mindful eating, one participant approached me, asking if I could offer a workshop on overcoming emotional eating. A woman after my own heart! And in the session on stress, two house cleaners said that their favorite time of the day was being alone in their client’s home, so they could finally enjoy solitude. And I thought Mexicans always preferred to be surrounded by family!
At the end of the series, I was deeply touched when the coordinator of the program honored me with a certificate and the gift of a red shawl.
Of course, I hope the women in my audience came away feeling empowered by the themes we discussed. But the talks also benefited me. As we discussed areas that mattered deeply to all of us, these women, through their honesty and sharing, helped me gain insights into their lives and into Mexican culture. Thanks to them, I’m learning, and what could be more exciting than continual learning in my adopted home?
Louisa Rogers and her husband Barry Evans divide their lives between Guanajuato and Eureka, on California’s North Coast. Louisa writes articles and essays about expat life, Mexico, travel, physical and psychological health, retirement and spirituality. Her recent articles can be found on her website.
Thanks for this contribution to an important discussion. I have found the Mexican people to be very gracious and kind under all circumstances. I have had the opportunity to work with educational communities all over Mexican and found them very respectful and receptive.
Hey Neighbor! My thoughts exactly! All my volunteer experiences in Mexico (not just in GTO) have been fabulous learning experiences and cultural exchanges.
Some great lessons in there Louisa. Thank you.
It’s a pleasure to write for MND, Travis!
Great article. Thanks.
Mexico definitely has a problem with consuming junk food, especially the poor and working classes. For many breakfast is a bag of chips and a coke. In my working class neighborhood, there are very limited opportunities to purchase fruits and vegetables. The few for sale are of low quality and very expensive. There are some of the causes of the extremely high incident of diabetes in the Mexican people.
Also a significant numbers of Mexicans are extremely poor. The Mexican government does little to help them, other than encouraging remittances from the U.S
Barbara, sad but true. Have you seen the documentary Globesity, which features four countries, of which Mexico is one, and the way international food corporations market to them, all too successfully? Well, worth viewing. https://topdocumentaryfilms.com/globesity/
As an aside, if you hear younger people talking about looking for “volunteering” opportunities in Mexico, that typically means they are looking for a hostel, etc. in which they can stay in exchange for work. It’s generally not a reference to serving the community.
Generally.
I came down as a permanent resident 8 years ago, after 10 years of visiting and realizing that there was another way to live. All my neighbors are Mexican. With one exception, all my friends are too. My somewhat carefully researched options for volunteering and contributing did not work out. Many many parents want their kids to learn some english [not a typo in espanol] but the kids are buried in video games and have no interest in homework or anything that requires output. With videos etc. it is all input. So that didn’t work, except for several adults, including a restaurant owner and an unrelated musician who both wanted to learn enough English to converse with the clientele. But the people who need it the most have no money. Not an issue, I don’t need or want [Is the Mexican tax or the USA the most onerous bureaucracy?] So I did not charge and have two more good friends. This will not apply to everyone or even more than a few. But I have a medical background and my niche turns out to be assisting in spay/neuter clinics with my three friends, two of whom are veterinarias. Thirteen hour days, a lot of satisfaction, and one heartbreaker, but a difference that can be measured on the ground.
The mistake that I see over and over again here in northern BCS is that the snowbirds, mostly gringas, descend in October and immediately settle in to infect programs that are already plugging along with the few people that are here year around. Reading to the kids? Dog rescue? Teaching ESL? Sure, you name it! They don’t bother to even check with the few people who keep these things running the other seven months of the year. And then they flutter back to Vancouver, Seattle, Mendocino, or especially Calgary to tell everyone how they rescued the kiddies from, well, I am not sure. They will be back in two months to do it all over again. Meanwhile, those of us who are incorporating into the community will have spayed and neutered several hundred dogs to reduce the street dog problem, most in remote communities, and either donated big bucks to purchase food for the impoverished owners or driven long distances on legendary bad roads to deliver it.
,
You make an important point. Mexicans appreciate our help if it is not offered in a condescending way.
drb
I understand your point and have carefully avoided the “white savior” syndrome. I live permanently in San Miguel de Allende and have served on the board of Jóvenes Adelante, an organization that sends bright-but-poor teenagers through university. We have over 270 graduates and 126 youth in university now. Families are thrilled, students are grateful and half of our 117 Mentors are Mexican. What you discuss is valuable, but, fortunately, not an issue in our organization. I suppose it depends on how one chooses to contribute and with what attitude.
We have a similar nonprofit in Guanajuato, i fact it was once part of JA, and it too offers incredible help without being condescending.
Did you feel superior when you gave workshops in the USA? Would you feel threatened if you attended a workshop in the USA given by someone from a different country? I’m just curious.
No, I don’t feel superior in the US, but neither did I in Mexico. Nor have I ever felt threatened when a foreigner gave a workshop I attended– quite the opposite. I love different cultural speakers. I thought my “friend’s” feedback was very defensive, but it did make me reconsider.
Love volunteering at a free spay/neuter campaign. So rewarding. Check out BajaDogsSterilizations.
Louisa, once again you have made pithy observations and responded in a wonderful insightful way. The true test is that one of your participants asked you for more info–that is the test.
I am always very conscious that I am a guest in this country.
Yes, we should contribute as we can, but as the need is identified to us–not by our standards. I watch very carefully how things are received. Ms. Weaver, writing about Jóvenes in SMA (and on a smaller scale, Brillantes Caminates in GTO), point out a great example of this: these students must first qualify and then work extremely hard for every peso and bit of mentoring they get. The Mexican and foreign communities have identified a need and is able to provide bright futures to deserving students–partnership on every level.
Thank you, Louisa–I always enjoy your articles.
And thank you, Christina, for your comment. It’s an ongoing education, living in Mexico, but worth every minute of time invested. How’s your remodel going?
If I may say I think being an expat is neither here nor there, the issue is helping always, in any community you happen to be in, there is always something you can do to help others. And if you offer that help sincerely with no ulterior motive, it will be received in the same spirit.
Good point, Bridget. It’s about being helpful wherever you are and in whatever circumstance you find yourself in.
You see, when you get over yourself it’s possible to be of assistance. But nobody is buying to connect with a different culture – you are here cause it’s cheaper and you have a better lifestyle for less money. Otherwise you would be in Asia, Africa or Europe
My wife and I will be retiring in awhile in Rosarito Beach, Baja. We plan on volunteering. Really appreciate your insights from your experience. Thank you very much!
You’re so welcome. And bienvenidos a Mexico — it’s such a wonderful, generous country.
Great article. I like that the initial criticism of fear of being a ‘saviour’ wasn’t enough to deter you from giving back, and instead spurred on a very thoughtful way to contribute. Well done to you.
Thank you, Jenna. Yes, it was a good reminder to stay open to feedback, even if it feels weird or inappropriate at the time.