My wife and I have been thinking and talking a lot lately about the issue of mental health.
It seems like almost everyone we know these days is dealing with something. Not that everyone everywhere hasn’t always been dealing with something, but to us, things feel different now. It seems that people are struggling more now with managing everything in their daily life, and I think that the constant reinforcement of the “everything is awesome” message from people’s social media feeds isn’t helping either.
I’ve also been thinking about some recent conversations I’ve had with many people I know who have recently moved to different parts of Mexico. Some of them are struggling as well. In talking to them and trying to understand the root of their stress, I find some common themes, but fortunately I think there are some solutions.
The conversations usually revolve around what is not right in Mexico (when they compare things to what they’re used to back home in the United States).
Contractors do not arrive on time. Work is not done to the standards they expected. Things take longer than promised. Neighbors don’t act the way they wish they would. City services are not up to the level they would like them to be. And so on…and on.
These conversations can have a pretty negative effect on my own mental health as sometimes it seems as if the only thing that they want to do is unload their stress and complain — about everything.
It’s starting to feel like people see me as the “all things Mexico complaint department,” as if being the owner of Mexico News Daily somehow granted me special powers to fix all of their issues here.
Just the other night, in yet another session of complaints from some recently relocated gringo friends, I had a revelation.
At one point in the conversation, I stopped them and said: “What if you try focusing on what’s right about Mexico instead of always what’s wrong with Mexico?”
I gave a few personal examples from life in San Miguel de Allende.
Are the local city buses annoying because they are loud and belch exhaust? Or are they a blessing that allows families, the elderly and kids from all socio-economic levels an affordable and accessible way to stay connected to work, schools, churches, restaurants, shops and social events in the central city?
Are the speed bumps an unnecessary nuisance? Or are they a blessing because they force traffic to slow down, allow drivers to actually communicate with and greet each other, and help make our city so walkable for everyone?
Is the hot afternoon sun we are all experiencing right now a curse? Or is it a gift that encourages us to appreciate the mornings and evenings, to slow down and take it easy for a few weeks, catch up on reading Mexico News Daily articles, and maybe even catch a short afternoon siesta?
Is the fact that there is no Costco or Walmart in town a negative? Or is it a blessing as it forces many of us to get out and connect to the community, and support small business owners?
Is the constant noise of music, dogs, chickens, construction, and fireworks a nuisance that should be complained about and regulated? Or is it a constant friendly reminder that we are not alone and instead are part of a diverse, happy, vibrant community? For example, I was recently woken up by an event at a local park testing their sound system by blaring songs from the Bee Gees — what better alarm clock is there than that?!
I have by no means mastered the ability to completely focus on what’s right about Mexico more than what’s wrong yet, but I am working hard at managing my perspective.
I think that by doing so, it goes a long way towards keeping me in good mental health during what are some pretty crazy times in the world today.
As I think more about it, this mindset of course not only applies to living in Mexico, but to living anywhere. I think it might just be a key factor in improving our mental health and being happier people in our daily lives. Think about it, and more importantly, try practicing it!
Travis Bembenek is the CEO of Mexico News Daily and has been living, working or playing in Mexico for over 27 years.
Wonderfully said. And as you mention, anyone can practice this anywhere. Being grateful, thinking positive, and eliminating expectations can do much for one’s mental health. I would add, making the effort to smile can change your point of view. Smiling naturally helps you to be happier. When you concentrate on keeping a smile, it’s hard to be bummed out. Most of the time, what is upsetting to us says more about us than whatever it is that is upsetting. Especially in a foreign Country. I came to MX to escape the lifestyle and social discourse north of the border. Living in a paradise every day… how can you not wake up smiling! We are incredibly fortunate, which is why I don’t complain. All over MX you see poverty, and many people who could never dream of the lives we live, and they are always smiling. Volunteer, donate, contribute more than you take, and be a gracious guest, I guarantee you will have an incredibly happy life.
Well said. Thank you for sharing your perspective Norse Hombre
You are absolutely right Travis.. Where attention goes energy flows.. So why not to focus on the bright side of what is.. rather than what is lacking and this goes to every aspect in life.
But I must say that even to those “complaining”.. Maybe they are only giving “observations” ;).. There is no perfect place, but I want to believe that even they saw the virtues of Mexico, so much that chose this country to live in and to start a new chapter in life is by itself a blessing!!
Thank you Jazmin.
Excellent thoughts. Thanks for sharing them. Just what I needed at this point right now. I see that you preach it, but, you are practicing what you preach. I will begin to do more of the same.
Travis, I appreciate you putting yourself out there but come on man this sounds like another article of someone that failed in life and attempts to justify their Mexican existence.
I can take a bus from Santa Monica to Malibu with air-conditioning(that is not needed for 35cents). It is a limousine compared to Mexico buses.
Topes are because the country is so poor they country can’t afford stop lights or interchanges.
I love being at my house in Mexico, practice music and ride my motorcycles but I don’t take it anymore seriously than that. Los Angeles is 3 hrs away nonstop with 5 different airlines
Your MND article today on Los Cabos pretty much says it, Mexico a wonderful place for a getaway, to rest up, maybe a second home or at most a few years of ones life but never to be taken serious to live permanently.
Tequila Motors – thanks for your thoughts. I don’t think that people who appreciate Mexico for what it is are people who have “failed in life and attempting to justify their Mexican existence”. I wasn’t attempting to compare Mexico to Southern California but rather provide a perspective to help those that are already here or thinking of coming here to enjoy it as much as possible.
I agree. In fact, I believe that it’s probably people who have tried other worlds fairly successfully that finally found what they were missing: the little things in Mexico that mean so much. Some of it reminded me of my early childhood in Sweden. A sincerity and innocence I had missed. The sweet and considerate people, always courteous and respectful towards the older generation. Mexicans even still use the formal “Usted” when addressing you, unless you are family, a child or a close friend. That’s how I grew up and I prefer the distance and hope that never changes like it has everywhere else. If you are there to compare life elsewhere it won’t work out in the end. If you try to assimilate and enjoy the little things, you’ll learn to love your life there. Music in the malls, markets and sometimes too loud on the bus. Yes, there will be bird cages onboard, chickens and roosters, but only once in a while… I had mini-splits (A/C) in every room but only used my ceiling fans like everybody else. Loved to buy los tacitos de pastor (?) shaved from a pig on a pit (?!) in the street that smelled heavenly and tasted even better. Everybody warned me, but it was fine, just stick with agua puro. I miss everything and would return in a minute were it not for my age and los carteles. I couldn’t live in fear of threats of quotas and extortion anywhere… Yes, I know it doesn’t happen every day, but it’s still around and affecting your everyday life. That’s what the people tell me. I realize there are areas that are still considered reasonably “safe”? I hope and pray for the people that la Presidenta, Sra. Claudia, will make a difference!
The key is balance — notice what’s right, while also facing what’s challenging and finding a way to cope with it. Living in Mexico has taught me to recognize what’s in my control and what’s not, and not to try to force the things that aren’t in my control into bending to my will. I’m not perfect at this — it takes a lot of practice — but every time I see myself handling it better, I congratulate myself on my coping skills. I still get frustrated with stuff that doesn’t work and people who aren’t on time, but my frustration is over quicker than when I first arrived here with my north American expectations. The benefits of living in Mexico far outweigh the obstacles and more patience allows me to have more time on the happy side of the equation.
Well said Margaret, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
You are so right Travis! Perspective and patience is a good daily mantra!
I have been living, for the past five years, in San Miguel de Allende. The city is unrecognizable. Why?
A majority of Americans refuse to integrate, to learn Spanish, continue to use the US currency, the British system, re measurements & temperature… They want to make San Miguel de Allende an enclave of the USA. Why move if you want to recreate the same environment you left?
I’ve had enough. I am moving to Guadalajara, in July.
I have 2 friends that recently left San Miguel for Guadalajara where I am. One complaint was as what you say and the other is they felt trapped with the heavy Cartel activity in the surrounding area. They told me they could never go for Sunday car or motorcycle rides. San Miguel a beautiful city but being in a prison a terrible feeling what they mention.
Plus what many people do not understand is the reason many come to Mexico is actually to not be in Mexico. You live for free in a big house and with all your savings you are constantly at the Guadalajara airport to get out of here. God made a beautiful world to see.
You sure suffer from a negative attitude. You might want to read the article again as it’s not hard to understand what Travis is communicating.
Bravo Travis – excellent article. And you are so lucky to live in San Miguel de Allende where you now have the best Indian chef you can order food from!!! I miss Surjeet here in La Paz!!!
Is there anyone left to order authentic Indian food from?
Are the speed bumps an unnecessary nuisance?… I find them to be a positive, not only for slowing people down, but for traffic control. Just try making an unprotected left turn without one… It occurred to me one afternoon making a left turn on a very busy road that the speed bump caused drivers to slow enough that I could cross & make the left without risking getting hit. Once I figured out how traffic worked here, I actually like it better than Oregon. Great article
Sure beats having some revenue agent, (cop) hiding behind every tree or sign with a radar gun looking to hold you up for going a couple miles per hour over a deliberately set way too low speed limit and make your insurance double, eh?
Topes are a pain in the arse but they do work.
Excellent piece, couldn’t agree more. After 16 years we’ve learned the secret of living here: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Particularly when there is so much not so small stuff that beats the heck out of living in the U.S. these days. We love the walkable village we live in with virtually every food, medicine, hardware and service an easy walk from the house. We love the lack of seriously cold weather. We love our Mexican friends and the students we are sending to University. We love how Mexicans respect older people, unlike up there where they seem to just want you to die. We wish it wasn’t so hard to learn Spanish at our ages but so many Mexicans are happy to help with this too.
Bottom line: We are here to stay to the end. Viva Mexico!
My metaphor for living in Mexico is when I told my brother that I was having trouble speaking better Spanish, he said, “Drink more tequila, it loosens the tongue.”
Your brother is right, Janet Olson, that’s one way of doing it. I actually decided to study Spanish seriously in an international language shcool for young European students (who already spoke 4-5 languages and were in Mexico to brush up and add some credits). I did well, already living in downtown Cancun, Mexico, so was able to use my Spanish with the people. I came out on top, in that I was born in Sweden and speak other languages as well. So I have hardly any accent in my Spanish and even sound more like a Yucateca (or so the Mexicans tell me!!). They probably want to make me feel good, but I’ll take it!! I lived there for over ten years in my retirement and loved ALMOST every moment. Because I lived downtown and associated exclusively with the people. I have a hard time identifying with what a great many Americans complain about above, because i totally assimilated and to this day (15 yrs. later) stay in touch weekly with my Mexican friends (my “family” there). I will love it forever – the country, the people and their wonderful culture and traditions. They are already part of me in this last chapter of my life. !VIVA MEXICO!.
The premise of this Editorial is also a meaningful prescription. Muchas gracias.
We have enjoyed all that is San Miguel de Allende for 30 years. We have an abiding warm respect for San Miguel and all that is Mexico. The people are interesting, culture is rich and History is complex.
The News is correct. Suspend all our foreign ways and habits. Embrace the change to very old traditions and experience Mexico as a new way. Our gringo expectations are a heavy burden. ‘If you don’t have something nice to say then say nothing’ but smile at the infinite variety which is Mexico. Que bueno.
I am from Canada, and I came to MX in 2001. I had never been to the country before! I have travelled extensively in Europe, the USA and many Caribbean islands.
I cannot recommend it enough—great people, great weather, top-notch medical care, and, if you are from the States, so much less expensive.
I have taken many Spanish classes, but where I live, it is mostly English… It is a great idea to learn Spanish
i live in Nayarit/jalisco
If I can be of more help, my email is [email protected]
If I lived in Canada or the US – I would get out pdq
People that travel the world comparing everything to how it is in the USA fit the “Ulgy American “ category. While many others move from the USA to get away from that attitude and away from those people. People that complain about Mexico or any other country should everyone a favor and go back to the USA where everything is done to their specifications! Mexican are kind and polite people so they don’t fight back when their country is insulted. The lifestyle in Mexico is different than in the USA thankfully!! If it bothers you why move here or stay?? Many come here because they can live a higher lifestyle using Mexicans as labor. That’s ok but at least respect the people and the culture! Or, please leave
I agree with all of those people who said that we need to integrate, to become part of the Mexican community and especially learn Spanish and make Mexican friends. I am grateful that Mexico is not like the US. I left many nuisances inherent to US life behind me when I moved here. Don’t forget how bad the politics and media have become and how litigious it is. People are angry. Remember the article about the abundance of Mexican smiles vs the lack of American ones. I tell people who complain about Mexico to “return to the US if you do not like it here.”
Born in Ciudad de Mexico, raised in California 75 years, now in Baja California for seven. Love it here. Hate the border crossing run by ten year old CBP agents who have never regulated the border crolssing well. Even with a Sentri Pass, the wait can be an hour or more.
When I worked in Tijuana between 1967 and 1971, the Tijuana population was 240,000 people; today, 2.2 million.
As to the food, sorry folks, but Mexican food in ?San Diego and Los angeles is better and in many cases cheaper. I have yet to find a decent Chili Relleno in Tijuana or Rosarito. On the other hand, Baja Fish tacos are stupendous and unmatched anywhere. Carne Asada seems better than in Sonora. Wine from the Valle de Gudalupe is, perhaps, better than even California wines which have been better than anything oproduced in Europe.
And, in summary, my Puerto Vallarta friends tell me, Jalisco drivers are like Baja California drivers, they all seem to run every stop sign they see, or ignore or simply take as a suggestion.
Loved your comments, I am celebrating my 9th year living in San Miguel de Allende, 7 years married to my Mexican wife and with that, a large Mexican extended family. My families´ warmth, sense of humor, and care and respect for young and old is my daily mental health spa.
Very important message! And believe me, if you think SMA’s buses are awful, check out ours in Guanajuato! And speaking of that, last year I was so frustrated with the buses that I went to a City Councilwoman’s “meet and greet” event in a town plaza, where she shared her goals for her term, which included improving transit. I discovered that bad as the bus pollution is, there are far more urgent problems that passengers have to deal with– like a lack of schedules, unpredictability and crowdedness. I ended up inviting the City Councilwoman to share her ideas with the expat community at a local hotel. We charged 100 pesos, which paid for the interpreter. So to the complainer, I’d say: Take a step towards addressing the problem, whatever it is. You choose to live in this country, take some responsibility like (one hopes) you did wherever you lived pre-Mexico. It’s all about initiative!
Thank you for your perspective, Travis, and for publishing Mexico Daily News. I am a retired clinical psychologist, writer, human resource consultant and psychotherapist who has been living in Mexico for 8 years. In that time, I have had to do a lot of “reframing” in order to enjoy all that Mexico has to offer. Reframing is a thinking skill I always encouraged my clients to learn, especially if their circumstances or life situation was difficult and direct action was ineffective. I invite you to check our my blog (stephenalantimm.com) which I have been offering for free for the past three years. I think you will discover a real resonance with the content.
It boils down to this: if you choose to live in México, you must be willing to do so on HER terms, not yours. I’ve been here ten years now. I know that my contractor will be late. I am used to being awakened by ‘EL GASSS!’ I don’t care if I never set foot in another Walmart. Most of my friends are Mexican, I very rarely speak English any more. Living here is decidedly MOR like living in the US, and I rejoice in this. I love living in a place that, for all of its sundry faults, is so alive, and not ‘sterilized for my protection’ as it is in the US. It’s noisy, chaotic, at times absolutely maddening — but I am seldom bored. And it’s not for everyone. But I would never want to live anywhere else! Thanks for a thoughtful piece.