Chances are that if you’ve moved to Mexico, you probably want to hang out with Mexicans. But how can you do this when your Spanish might not be all there yet?
Read on:
“It’s funny,” another foreign friend commented to me last week. “There doesn’t seem to be any formal way of asking someone out on a date here.”
“Of course there is!” I responded. “You ask if they want to get coffee!”
My friend laughed and rolled his eyes, but I was serious. That really is what people say when they want to get to know you better, romantically or otherwise. If it’s someone that you could potentially have a romantic relationship with, then it’s basically an invitation to a first date. “I bet you didn’t know you were dating so many people right now,” I teased.
Last week I wrote about all the different ways that Mexicans have to say “no,” and plenty of good extensions were added on in the comments. Unfortunately, sometimes the “no” is in response to an invitation you were excited to make.
More so certainly than in my native US, plans in Mexico seem to be fairly informal. This is mostly true for plans with friends, but can extend to other types of events as well. Keep in mind too that it’s common to get dumped because someone’s family has asked them to do something at the same time. Family really is first here, which is tricky if you’re not part of one.
Mexicans, for their part, are much more forgiving when those plans don’t actually get to happen. I and many of my fellow compatriots are visibly irritated when someone “nos queda mal” (doesn’t come through for us). Here, however, they tend to take a, “Well, these things happen,” approach. You couldn’t make it? That’s a shame; next time!
This is one of those few areas in which Mexicans and their North American neighbors aren’t all that compatible. In most ways, as I’ve written before, we’re natural, fast friends. But make a gringo wait around for too long, and they’re not going to be happy. Berate a Mexican for being late, and they’re not going to be happy, either.
Basically, not sticking to one’s word on either side equals trouble in paradise.
So knowing that, how can you make plans that stick?
Basic tips you can use to make friends and actually hang out with them
Go to events where you know people will already be gathered
Compared to their North American neighbors, Mexicans are still quite community-minded. This means that community events and parties are already planned and out there, just waiting to be joined! If you have kids in school, this is easy to achieve: simply show up to the school events!
Take in-person classes locally
I don’t know if my particular city is special in this regard, but it seems there are countless courses to be had. The jarana (a string instrument used in Son Jarocho) is a popular instrument to learn, and lots of Mexicans and foreigners alike take classes to learn it. I myself would love to learn the harp! In general, music classes are a good choice since you can learn quite a lot even if your Spanish isn’t perfect.
There are also ceramics and pottery classes, something I’m hoping to get into soon — really, all kinds of art classes abound! And if your Spanish is fairly good, a nice literature class could be very enriching.
Find out what clubs there are in your area, and join one!
Again, civic life seems stronger in Mexico…everyone spending all their time on phones hasn’t quite taken over yet. You might find a book club, a sports club, or even go to classes at a gym — that counts!
Hang around afterwards
Spontaneous things happen after events and classes like they do everywhere. If others are going to a café or bar afterwards and you’re around when they plan it, you’ll most likely be invited. Don’t be shy! Remember, most people here are open, friendly, and genuinely curious and generous. Take those same attitudes, and the sky’s the limit.
From lighter friendships, deeper connections can happen. And once they do, you can freely say, “Seriously, though. Are you really coming?”
Happy hanging-out time, everyone!
Sarah DeVries is a writer and translator based in Xalapa, Veracruz. She can be reached through her website, https://sarahedevries.substack.com/
