Life in Mexico can be pretty great, but sometimes little, nagging, annoying things can get on top of you. A couple of weeks ago, I went to eat with a friend of mine, a fellow foreigner. It had been a while, and we were looking forward to catching up.
But the circumstances were bumpy, Mexico-style.
First, there was the question of parking: all tiny, hard-to-get-to spaces. The valet was available, but, my friend explained he was very against someone else driving his car. Successfully parked at last, we finally went in.
Mexico: The land of minorly annoying things
In the cafe at last, the the chairs we were led to wound up being too small for comfort. No matter — we moved to a booth. Then the lunch special was not valid that day. After that, it turned out we needed silverware. By the time the waiter brought out my friend’s soup with his main dish, he’d had it.
“Don’t you think it’s silly to bring out both of these dishes at the same time when the soup should clearly come first?” he snapped.
The waiter didn’t know how to respond, and was almost certainly not paid enough to mount a defense, anyway.
When the grouchy bug bites
Here’s one thing the lifestyle guides don’t always tell you: it’s easy to get grouchy in Mexico.
Oh, let me count the ways!
The electricity, and/or water, and/or internet go out (or all three at once, if you’re particularly unlucky). That happens, of course, but here they keep charging you as if there’d been no break in service at all.
You get excited about trying something on the menu, but the restaurant doesn’t actually have it right then (this happens a lot). Then they don’t have the next thing you want to try, either.
Nobody has change, even for relatively small bills, pretty much ever. Good luck breaking that 500, my friend.
The bathrooms are super tiny and the toilets don’t always flush.
No matter how much you prepare, you’re going to need other documents for your trámite. You’ll definitely have to leave to get them and return another day.
And when you’re grouchy, it’s extra easy to be…not the nicest person. Where does that get us? Grouchy and scowled at, that’s where. “What’s that guy’s problem?” people might think.
Learning to take it easy (for real)
A few weeks ago, Travis Bembenek (Mexico News Daily’s co-owner) wrote about the “Mexican stress test.” In it, he detailed some of the many ways that, if you’re already having a kind of frustrating day, can get you even more frustrated. This particular case had to do with the loss of power. But it can be anything, really.
Most of these opportunities for exasperation result from unmet expectations. Why won’t things or people simply work the way they’re supposed to? We could get mad every hour of every day if we wanted to.
Anyone can be an asshole. But boy, does it stick out when you’re in a country where most people fall over themselves to be polite and accommodating.
So the most urgent question for us is this: how can we adjust our expectations instead of freaking out like we love to do?
Most people tend to describe themselves as easygoing, go-with-the-flow kinds of people. “Walking the walk,” of course, is a different story.
The first step, I believe, is to prepare yourself. People are not going to do things the way you think they should be done. They’re just not.
So keep that in mind, and see how others respond to the same types of setbacks; you might pick up some good tips.
Remember, too, that getting all worked up doesn’t usually accomplish anything, especially here. Mexicans will often say, “He who angers, loses.” In a lot of ways that’s true. You not only “lose” your own cool, but people who could help you are much less likely to help you if you’re rude and huffy about it.
Expressing your anger to strangers is like trying to ram into someone with your parking break on. It’s not going to happen, and it will frustrate you even more.
When we finished our meal, a trickster god had another surprise in store for us: there was a car blocking our exit. A Mexican driver would have pulled out front and made their escape. But my friend didn’t feel confident about avoiding a bump with another car in the tiny space.
So, after a derisive “of course” laugh, I got out and politely asked the valet to move it. After a few minutes, he did, and we dislodged ourselves.
No doubt you’ve experienced some annoying things in Mexico too — have I missed any?
Sarah DeVries is a writer and translator based in Xalapa, Veracruz. She can be reached through her website, sarahedevries.substack.com.
Hit the nail on the head! 🔥
Ditto
These articles are so insulting to Mexico !
Could you help us understand how this article is insulting, please? It’s the only way we’ll learn to adapt to the social norms here.
How? Why?
“These articles are so insulting to Mexico !”
Have you ever been to Mexico?
Good job, Sarah.
Moving to Mexico seven years ago was a culture shock! From the customs to the vibrant festivals, everything felt overwhelming at first. Just like the article says, adapting is key. It took time adjusting to such a different way of life, but I’ve always embraced going with the flow. That flexibility helped me truly enjoy the richness of Mexican culture. My advice to aspiring expats: relax, let go of expectations, be adaptable, and immerse yourselves in everything a new culture has to offer.
Thank you Sarah for enlightening us about Mexico. These anecdotes are typical and not insulting. That’s the way that it is. I would like to add something for those who can’t just let it go and adapt. Go back to where you came from.
I couldn’t have said it any better! If you want what you get at home, stay there!
The Mexican have two speeds, slow and stop! You got to be calm, because efficiency are not in their culture…
Unless driving, then the two speeds are fast and faster!
Exactly what I was going to say. And no road rage….just expect the unexpected….like two motorcycles passing you…one on each side.
I always advise people that credit/debit cards are not accepted, and that large domination pesos could be a problem. I suggest to always have smaller domination pesos along with the 500 notes. pay with the 500 but if its a problem or you are getting nothing but 20’s back, then help them out by giving the correct amount.
Try getting a car fixed in one day north of the border. I find it does not matter if its AC, a funny sound, etc they are more than happy to help/fix. if they dont fix there is no charge.
I find the Mexican culture very relaxing and have been here for 20 years. Once you learn Manana means sometime in the future not tomorrow you will get along just fine
I’ve been here for 7 years, married a wonderful Mexicana, and she wonderfully calms me down when I feel a bunch of anxiety when I’m driving. I’m still learning to adapt … I lived in Japan for 8 years and adapting there was pretty much the same but in the opposite direction. When the dinner starts at 8 you’re there at 7:55 with a gift for the host :D. Not like my household now – family starts coming over for comida starting at 2pm and finish coming by 6pm!
Sounds great, Mark, and congratulations on marrying a wonderful Mexicana! I know what they are like and absolutely love them. Let family come whenever they can – at least they show up!! In the United States you’d be glad if they came at all. My sons married gringas and I’m still in Mexican mode after living downtown Cancun for twelve years in early retirement. I was certainly happier there than in my native country in Europe and happier than I ever was in California. However, at the time I decided to sell and return, I could already feel the changes in the air. It no longer felt as safe as it used to be. Although I lived in a large beautiful condominium with protectores all over incl. the balconies, I felt insecure. There had been Hurrican Wilma passing through, etc. Neighborhood friend, la dentista on the corner, suddenly was paying quotas. My Mexican experience was losing the tranquilidad it once had. Time to pick up and leave. But I miss it every single day and while I still speak Spanish four days a week with native Mexicanas four days a week, I still miss my life and the people more than I can tell you. I absolutely adore the Mexican sense of humor and miss it more than anything. As to all the problems I read about above, I simply can’t relate.
It was fine for me that people showed up late as I always have myself. I never had problems with the heat and humidity and, in fact, never used the minisplits that always broke down. Los puro Mexicanos used ceiling fans and that was good enough for me, too. To pay with credit cards and 500 pesos notes when you live in Mexico – you’ve got to be kidding, right? I would have felt totally like a visitor. Instead I always paid the same way as the majority of Mexicans did, small bills and change. In fact, it never occurred to me to do otherwise. I did argue at Profeco about neighbors messing with my gas and el. down on the street and always came out on top. Even at Aguakan I frequently received credit on my water bill. So I was always heard, but I spoke Spanish well and they treated me with respect. !Viva Mexico!
1. Always have your back up small bills. sometimes make them get you the changes even if you have to wait.
2. When they charge you a commission , explain to the waiter that this will be subtracted from their tip. Businesses by contract are not allowed to charge their customers for what they pay to Visa and M/C. Tell them to take the commission charge off the check before dumping on the waiter. If your nice request does not work, and you take it off what you would normally give the waiter, make sure you tell the owner that he is doing what is not allowed by credit card contracts.
3.When a plate looks suspiciously poorly prepared, send it back immediately.
4. Learn which restaurants are BBB, Buena, Bonita y Barata. I live in Ajijic, and I have 5-7 restaurants that are no-fail. As an expat, when i am traveling, i keep looking for restaurants that are full of Mexicans, that is the best restaurant critique.
Thanks Jim, very helpful!!
You’ve had a couple of articles like this recently, but in my months living in Mexico I’m continually struck by how Mexico does things better than the US. People say good morning and good afternoon when you pass them. The people sing their national anthem at sporting events. Medical consults are conveniently attached to many pharmacies, and the infinitely more affordable than in the US. You elect a smart woman with a Ph.D. for president, compared with the Hobson’s choice we have. Many of the cities require no heat or AC because of the perfectly regulated climate. Those are just off the top of my head.
My exact thoughts as well!
After many years of visits, and 14 years here full time, I find that the reluctance of locals to accept my preferred way of doing things is a great lesson for me to learn. Sometimes Mexicans are just wrong. Mostly, they are just different. It is a challenge and a real blessing to get into their groove. But the best feeling is when the loyalty flows in both directions. Then you know you are home.
Some things in this article are not true. If you are not using water or electricity (for whatever reason), you don’t get charged for them. Otherwise it’s a good article and good responses (for the most part).
Sarah is a very good writer and has submitted many articles to this website sharing her experiences from living in Mexico for many years. You calling her a liar is uncalled for. I suspect that her experience is simply different than yours. Your comment is mierda (for the most part).
Nobody was calling Sarah DeVries a liar! Someone just disagreed because their experience was different where they happen to live. So it was what they thought to be true, no big deal! Drives me crazy about Americans always having to CALL NAMES!! Since you now live in Mexico, why not try to raise above? I lived there for twelve marvelous years in early retirement. Take the day as it comes and be happy with the many good things Mexico has to offer. Don’t become stuck on stupid little nonsensical issues. The Mexican people are heavenly compared to my California neighbors. Depending where you live, of course, but the Mexican people tend to be down to earth, fair and square and very loving. Always have time for you. How I miss all that… Also, study and learn Spanish as well as you can to assimilate. A word of Spanish here and there will not suffice and, in fact, looks pretty bad in writing.
Mexico is interesting. It is a huge country and some things vary in different cities and regions. I get charged for electricity, telephone, and internet even if I do not use them. I have tried to get credit for the times they were not available and it seems impossible. My water is billed based on a water meter, so overall I only pay for what I use.
I think it is a great article.
I had the same problems with Telmex. Like talking to a wall. Some phone calls were billed to my number by someone else and the problem was never resolved. It ended up pointing to the guy who bought my condo (an atty. originally from Colorado who had lived in Belgium. I hope he reads this…). I brought it up in court at the time we signed the papers for the sale and I felt the judge believed me but it was not a matter for the Court. He’ll get his someday if he hasn’t already and will not do well in Mexico so probably no longer there… Type of gringo they do not like. Arrogant and intolerant, probably miserable.
A wonderfully lighthearted look at what to do when life doesn’t conform to your expectations…..and, by the way, I have had internet malfunctions on a regular basis when I lived in DC, restaurant meals that were less than perfect, and rude or clueless strangers galore.
I think we all need to make the important distinction between what is just the way that life annoying rolls ( no matter what country you live in)….and those things that are particular to Mexico.
Sarah, you hit the nail (gently) on the head. I am Dutch, so not culturally memed to be diplomatic and forgiving when things are not perfectly organized (the name De Vries suggests that you might understand that cultural challenge too). But I have the good fortune to have lived in places like China and Indonesia, and in comparison Mexico is much closer to Switzerland, both in terms of distance and things like organization, punctuality and cleanliness.
There are some things we can do as expats. For instance, we have the good fortune to have some really nice restaurants within walking distance that we frequent regularly. We educated the staff in a nice and polite way (my wife is Mexican, a former English teacher, simultaneous translator, art historian and Egyptologist). She can’t help herself and has to teach.
Anyway, the moral of the story is that when you run into something frustrating in Mexico, and it is something small that you can help to change with just some friendly words, that keeping cool and helping out is just so much more rewarding than getting angry.
Living in Mexico is easy. All you do is lower your expectations. The minute you do, you’ll get a pleasant surprise. jinx schwartz
Thanks for your comments everyone! 🙂
I hope it’s obvious to most that I don’t mean to insult anyone…my purpose is always to inform and entertain, and hopefully give you at least one or two good chuckles. 😉
That was a funny and totally realistic situation. I tell any gringo that acts like that, that they made a wrong turn! If you are inflexible, lack a sense of humor and frustrate easily, change or go somewhere else. And, yelling at MX males is not only going to get you nowhere, as they find it insulting and disrespectful. Think about it!
Indeed it’s wise to carry small bills- or someday the change you receive for that 500 will be stacks of 2p coins, scotch taped together, and you’ll walk out leaning to whichever side your purse/pocket is on l.
But the joy comes from knowing you can skip the gym after the exercise you’ll get from hauling that stash of metal around.
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I love Mexico as the Country and culture of “no pasa nada”. Nothing really happened. Accept and enjoy onward.