El Jalapeño: Americans shocked to discover Mexico contains bars that are not in a wristband resort

All stories in El Jalapeño are satire and not real news. Check out the original article here.

MEXICO CITY — A growing number of American tourists visiting Mexico City this year have reported experiencing significant disorientation upon discovering that the country contains bars — standing, operating, internationally acclaimed bars — that are not affiliated with an all-inclusive resort, do not require a plastic wristband for entry, and will not serve you a watered-down piña colada from a trough.

Bar Mauro in Mexico City.
“Gee, Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Xcaret anymore.” (World’s 50 Best)

The revelation follows Mexico landing 11 bars on North America’s 50 Best Bars list, including three in the top ten, with Mexico City’s Bar Mauro coming in at number two on the entire continent — a placement that travel agents in Cincinnati, Scottsdale, and Jacksonville confirmed they were not aware of and would not be adding to their brochures at this time.

“I’ve been to Cancún four times,” said one visitor from Ohio, reached outside Bar Mauro in Roma Norte. He said he had previously believed Mexican bars to be outdoor structures adjacent to a pool, staffed by a man named something the resort had anglicised, serving drinks in plastic cups with a novelty straw. He said he was processing the new information.

At Tlecān, ranked fifth on the continent, a couple from Texas confirmed they had almost not come because their travel agent had booked them into an all-inclusive in Los Cabos and they had only deviated from the itinerary after getting lost on the metro. They said the pre-Columbian inspired cocktail menu, featuring Mexican spirits they had not previously encountered, was “a lot to take in after a Señor Frog’s.” They gave it five stars. They have not told their travel agent.

Handshake Speakeasy, ranked twelfth, reported an increase in American visitors arriving. Several asked whether this had always been here. It has been here since 2018.

Industry experts note that Mexico City now rivals New York for the density of world-class cocktail establishments per square kilometre, a fact that the 4 million Americans who visited Cancún last year and spent the majority of their trip inside a gated beachfront compound technically had access to but did not use, having already paid for unlimited drinks at the swim-up bar and considered that sufficient.

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