All stories in El Jalapeño are satire and not real news.
LOS CABOS — “Ya abrimos” reads the sign over the entrance to Farmacia Alberto, which recently opened on a downtown block of Blvd. Lázaro Cárdenas in Cabo San Lucas.
It’s the 10,000th pharmacy to open in Los Cabos — all but one in the last 25 years — and the 7,843rd in Cabo San Lucas, a fact being celebrated by locals as a sign of a strong business economy.
But Alberto “Beto” González González, the owner of the new Farmacia Alberto, isn’t worried in the slightest, even though there are six competing pharmacies on his block alone.
“We have all the things tourists need, like Viagra and Cialis and condoms and sunscreen,” he said, “and none of the things they don’t: like actual medications for common ailments or illnesses.”
He seemed disappointed when assembled reporters didn’t want to buy anything, but was sanguine about his immediate prospects, given the three cruise ships scheduled to arrive later that day.
An unnamed city official, when asked whether this uniformity of options was perhaps becoming a bit ridiculous, simply smiled and shrugged before asking if residents would rather have more knockoff jewelry stores and “amigo massage” parlors.
The latter, named for the “Hey amigo, want a massage?” pitch given by mostly female employees, is currently the second most popular business establishment in Los Cabos, with 3,652 of them at last count. Grocery stores, of which there was also only one 25 years ago, now rank third at 896.
El Jalapeño is a satirical news outlet. Nothing in this article should be treated as real news or legitimate information. Check out our Jalapeño archive here!
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