MEXICO CITY — Aiming to solve what officials delicately called “a minor enthusiasm deficit,” the federal government announced Wednesday that the Tren Maya — the multi‑billion‑dollar rail project promoted as the crown jewel of Mexican infrastructure — will soon be replaced by an enormous aerial cable car system stretching across the Yucatán Peninsula.
Officials described the project as a “logical next step” after noticing that, on most days, the train’s 1,500 kilometers of track were primarily used by a rotating cast of two tourists, a mango vendor, and at least one enthusiastic influencer filming a “solo jungle commute” vlog.
The new Teleférico Maya will reportedly stretch across five states, eight ecosystems, and approximately four billion bureaucracy forms. Engineers describe it as a “sustainable aerial ribbon of progress,” though sources confirm that 40 percent of it will be conveniently “under repair” before it opens.
Asked about the environmental impact, officials emphasized the project’s “minimal footprint,” noting that “it only requires cutting down a few trees for support towers, which is still fewer than last time.”
Sources confirmed that preliminary surveys already showed increased public interest—though most respondents believed the project was satire.
At press time, the Secretariat of Tourism unveiled plans to market the new ride as “the most Instagrammable infrastructure project in Latin America,” emphasizing that while it won’t connect Mayan cities by rail, it will offer “unparalleled views of all the archaeological sites we definitely didn’t disturb.”
El Jalapeño is a satirical news outlet. Nothing in this article should be treated as real news or legitimate information. For the brave souls seeking context, the real news article that inspired this piece can be found here. Check out our Jalapeño archive here!
Got an idea for a Jalapeño article? Email us with your suggestions!
