I still remember clearly the first time I had a group of Mexicans glare angrily at me.
I don’t remember my exact wording, but I was exasperated and said something like, “Why can’t Mexico figure out that these milk boxes are not actually easy to open at all?” with a chuckle to my host family. (The milk boxes back then said “abre fácil” – “easy open” – but were anything but easy: you had to tear off the corner of it and I always wound up making a huge mess of it).
I wasn’t trying to insult anyone, but boy did I learn my lesson: while this is an incredibly bromista (joke-loving) culture where sarcasm does indeed hold a place of honor, sarcasm applied by a foreigner regarding the way something is done in Mexico is most definitely not appreciated.
This was over 20 years ago, and I’ve learned quite a bit more about this particular culture’s sensitivities since then. And as more and more of my paisanos join me in this beautiful country, I think some studied consideration about how to be respectful a la mexicana is in order, especially as natural tensions in some sectors are rising with such an influx of new people.
To be good guests and immigrants, here are some things to remember:
- Mexicans wear their pride on their sleeves; this goes for personal and national pride, by the way. As a country, Mexico has been both invaded and put down (by, collectively, us) enough to be a little sensitive about criticisms toward them…especially by newcomer outsiders. Indeed, who enjoys criticism at all?
Every country, as we well know, has things they do well and things they don’t do so well. If you need to vent about the “not so well” category around here, try to keep it restricted to your personal journal or a close friend or therapist rather than venting online.
Because as some of us have learned the hard way, social media is not a place where nuance can be easily detected and emotions stay calm. Foreigners who vent in public or even private groups seem to find themselves more and more met with an angry “Why don’t you just go back where you came from” sentiment (which, curiously, tends to come much more frequently from the political left rather than the right). - Make your curiosity bigger than your desire to start every sentence with, “Well, where I come from…”. Spoiler alert: most Mexicans already know what things are like where we come from if where we come from is the US or Canada.
No one has bad intentions when they start talking about themselves…it’s a way to start or keep a conversation going, after all. But it behooves all of us to remember that most basic of conversational skills: to make a great impression, let the other person do the talking (and really listen).
And if you can, make your best effort to do it in Spanish!
Living in Mexico is a chance to try something new and different, so embrace the experience! (Depositphotos) - Tensions between the economically advantaged and the not-so-advantaged are just as high here as they are elsewhere. And as I’ve said before, seeing a group of people who don’t necessarily work harder or even have more education than you knocking it out of the park because they’re gaming the system (earning in one economy and spending in a different, cheaper one) while you struggle doesn’t feel good.
“But our spending here is helping the economy” might be logical, but nowhere in the world are people logical; they’re emotional. Nor are they usually thinking about the advantages, on a country-wide level, of tourism. What they’re thinking about is the fact that rents have gone up exponentially in areas newly popular with dollar-bearing newcomers and their menus are suddenly in English.
So, what to do? On a practical level, do your best to find out the actual costs of homes and services in a certain area that locals are accustomed to paying rather than simply laying down whatever money’s asked because it’s cheap to you, specifically. Too many people doing this is exactly what drives gentrification, a topic that has many locals in newly-popular areas particularly tense.
At the very least, don’t behave as if you’re doing anyone a favor by spending money here or crowing loudly about “how affordable Mexico is.” For most people living here, it’s not. So enjoy what luxuries you might not have been able to in your home country, but remember that they’re still out of reach for most people.
- Not everyone is into fast change. In places that have long been known for their catering to the tourist crowd like Los Cabos or Cancún, people know what to expect: lots of English-speaking establishments, high rents, services catering specifically to the tastes of foreigners. Those changes happened long ago, and they’re used to it. In newly-popular areas in Mexico, things are changing (and gentrifying) fast, and not everybody is into it.
In those places that used to be considered “the real Mexico” where not many foreigners could be seen (Oaxaca city comes to mind), the speed of change is a touchy subject for some Mexican residents…especially when it’s accompanied by increased prices for everyone (which is not solely a result of the influx, but the optics make it seem like it is). On the positive side, most Mexicans are honored and proud to see that so many foreigners have fallen in love with their culture and communities, so emphasizing that can do wonders.
Mexico is a delightful and magical place, and it’s a country where most residents are warm and open to the newly arrived. Our task, then, is to remember to be good neighbors first, and careful not to treat our new homes as an amusement park: squeal with delight on the inside.
Sarah DeVries is a writer and translator based in Xalapa, Veracruz. She can be reached through her website, sarahedevries.substack.com.
‘Well where I come from” too many times I have heard that. In this moment you are from here
Unfortunately no matter how long you live in Mexico or how good your Spanish is, you will never be “From” Mexico if you were not born there. Especially to a Mexican. Although they will happily tell other people that you are “Más Mexicano que el Mole!”, you are always going to be a Gringo(a) in their eyes. However when traveling abroad you are quite welcome to tell other you are from Mexico. Especially in Europe where Mexicans get a warm reception from the locals. That said, its not always a good idea in the USA to tell people you are from Mexico, as alot people in the red states have poor opinions of us Mexicans, and the former president emphasized this.
This is a great piece for all expats to read. Nicely done.
Why don’t you just go back where you came from” sentiment (which, curiously, tends to come much more frequently from the political left rather than the right)? I call BS-that’s a biased opinion
Agreed. At an international level, that’s a completely apolitical sentiment. It felt awkward for the author to include her political bias one way or the other.
I live in Loreto BCS and the whining from the snowbirds is incredible. They don’t like the loud music, especially on weekends. I dealt with that by doing some sound insulation in my house and encourging the various landscape shrubs and trees to grow tall and dense. To me, the noise is the sound of people having fun. They don’t like the cars. Well, yes, the cars are a very noisy thing and they do various tricks with them. When I was in the US and their age, my friends and I did exactly the same thing. They don’t like the beach parties, and on and on. Meanwhile, they have monopolized the sport field [basket ball and football etc.] with their geezer tennis [aka pickle ball]. I often ask them why they stay here if it is so bad.
“Why don’t you just go back where you came from” sentiment (which, curiously, tends to come much more frequently from the political left rather than the right)….” The writing in MND tends to come much more frequently from amateurs passing off their personal experiences and biases as facts.
“Why don’t you just go back where you came from” sentiment (which, curiously, tends to come much more frequently from the political left rather than the right)….”
The only scenario I can imagine when this might be true is when some MAGA comes to Mexico because they want to hang out in bars drinking 3-for-1 beers and margaritas beginning in the morning and treating their Mexican hosts like their servants, and then start yammering on about how Mexico needs to be more like America.
Otherwise, I call BS.
Well, I moved to Mexico. I can’t ever imagine going back to USA insanity and gun culture after living in a culture of 10,000 years of accumullated wisdom in living respectfully, hospitably, and emotional intelligently. The USA for me is way too “mean”.
Ditto to that for sure. We are here to stay. Not perfect but way better than that hothouse of craziness and political animosity the U.S. has become.
De acuerdo.
Best one I saw was in Bozeman Montana. ” We do not care how the F you did it in California” You have to take the good with the bad. There is way more good south of the wall than on the north side…
This is a great discussion. Sounds like the world is at a turning point on both sides of the border and the next 12 months will tell the tale. I think there’s more heart en el sur and more hurt NOB. Either way it’s like straddling a fence, the comfort zone gets smaller but in the end let’s hope people can understand and respect each other more. Those are universal values.
Excellent article. Shared!
I have lived in Spain, Germany, and former Yugolavia. I am multi lingual and have travelled exensively. So much for my credentials. The article is excllent and applies to any country an American visits. We believe we are superior to any people, which translates into arrogance, disdain, and disrespect for others. It would be great if there was a requrement for every person to pass a test about culture, politics and history of every country before they visit.
I try to follow all of the above. I am also the editor of a English news website owned by a Mexican. I work in an office with Mexicans. They are my family here and I love them, even when they laugh at me and correct my Espanol mal. One thing I have learned about being accepted, whether or not it is in Mexico or in my hometown Los Angeles where I worked with the Chicano music community. Half the challenge is just showing up. Show up at their festivals, their venues, their music, their filas, their markets, their kermes, their fundraisers. Volunteer when you can be helpful in their organizations. If you want to be accepted by a community, be part of the community! Do everything the author suggests, but most of all, show up!
Maybe the most important point to remember…WE ARE GUESTS in their kind beautiful country. Thank you.
There is a mural in the Instituto Allende where in one small corner there are three little girls holding a dove above a banner that says, ” Quiere a México porque México te quiere,” which translates to, “Love Mexico because Mexico loves you.” For me, I think that is all you need to know. Let that be your guide.
I wish I could post a photo of that portion of the mural. I guess you’ll just have to go and look for it. -s.