Expats: All about sex and shame in Mexico

Jenna Mayhew has been working as a psychologist in Mexico for eight years. At her practice, Hola Therapy, she has made it her mission to help foreigners living in Mexico, Mexicans with a foreign partner, foreigners with links to Mexico and Mexicans with links to foreigners or foreign countries. Cross-cultural therapy focused on sex, relationships, mental health and navigating change is a major part of her daily practice. 

In addition to individual, couples and family therapy, Hola Therapy works with a number of corporate, non-profit and government-funded organizations. For example, they provide in-depth psychological evaluations and therapy to veterans from English-speaking countries who fall under foreign medical programs and provide employee assistance program counseling support to professionals who are based in Mexico with multinational corporations. Hola Therapy also provides clinical and financial support to the Misión México Foundation in Chiapas. 

Sex and shame in Mexico

In Mexico, a unique cultural paradox emerges where conservative views on sexuality coexist with sexual mischievousness,  even sexual deviance. This duality reveals itself in everyday life, where public norms enforce modesty and discussions about sex remain largely taboo, not just with family but often even in therapy. 

At the same time, many who live here would balk at the idea of Mexico being anything other than full of sex and eroticism. This contrast often perplexes locals and outsiders alike, revealing a society caught between deep-seated traditions and subcultures of hypersexuality.

The conservative fabric of Mexican sexuality 

Mexican sexual attitudes are deeply influenced by the country’s strong Catholic heritage and traditional gender roles. The concept of “machismo” demands that men be sexually assertive and pleasure-seeking, while “marianismo” dictates that women be demure, passive, committed, submissive and virginal. This creates a double standard wherein attitudes and societal expectations for men and women are starkly different. 

Mexican men, for example, often view casual sex as a source of pleasure, while women are more likely to see it as irresponsible. In Veracruz, a 2016 study found that around 33% of women express anxiety about their sexuality. Similarly, a study produced in Oaxaca in the same year found that women often link sex with feelings of shame and passivity. 

However, this is shifting. The Mexican education system is insufficient due to sexual taboos, says Karla Urriola, a member of the Mexican Federation of Education and Sexology (FEMESS). Young people find information elsewhere and absorb it in their own views. Overall, college students tend to have a more permissive and egalitarian view of sex when compared to older generations. 

Let’s jump in and take a brief look at what’s happening between the sheets in Mexico as compared to its counterparts in Latin America and Spain. 

Lower prevalence of certain sexual practices

When it comes to masturbation, Mexico shows comparatively lower rates. Data indicates that 52% of Mexican men and 45% of women engage in solo or mutual masturbation. This contrasts sharply with higher rates in Puerto Rico – which rise up to 96% — and Spain, ranging from 68% to 90%.

Similarly, Mexican participation in online sex chats is lower than in Spain, with only 28.5% of Mexicans engaging in this activity compared to 84% in Spain. This disparity also extends to online masturbation practices.

In a survey of six countries, Mexico reported the lowest incidence of anal sex at 18%, with Puerto Rico reporting the highest at 39%. This variation underscores differing cultural attitudes towards various sexual practices.

Low sexual satisfaction

Mexican levels of sexual satisfaction are relatively low compared to other Latin American countries. Approximately 43% of Mexican men and 40% of women report satisfaction, while Chile shows higher rates of 64% for men and 84% for women. 

Overall, Mexico shows more inhibition, higher sexual shame and lower sexual satisfaction when compared to its Spanish-speaking counterparts. Religion has a high impact on sexuality, including sexual shame for anything outside of the heteronormative, production-focused sex. Due to the prevalence of traditional gender roles and machismo, women are more severely impacted by religiosity and sexual shame than men. 

What is the impact of sexual shame?

Shame is a powerful and painful emotion that makes us feel deeply humiliated, distressed and unworthy. It’s different from guilt, which can actually be constructive. Guilt helps us recognize when we’ve acted against our values and often motivates us to make amends or change our behavior.

In contrast, shame has a more damaging effect. It tells us we’re not deserving of good things like love and connection. Instead of helping us grow, shame makes us feel fundamentally flawed. When people act out of shame, their behavior is often disconnected, destructive and harmful to themselves and others around them. 

Shame about our sexuality is no different. Sexual shame includes shame for having sexual desires, beliefs of sexual inferiority and shame in our sexual relationships. Sexual shame is not straightforward. It doesn’t just lead to less sex. It’s been found to contribute to issues including hypersexuality, sexual addiction, sexual dysfunctions like erectile issues, hostility and self-disgust, increased aggression, body shame and feelings of inferiority.  

People are sexual beings. When someone believes sexuality is inherently wrong, that can manifest in many damaging ways towards themselves and others, fueling the sex-shame cycle. To transform levels of sexual shame and foster healthier relationships, individuals can start by engaging in open, non-judgmental conversations about their sexual feelings, self-educate about sexuality and challenge any internalized stigmas. 

Creating a safe environment for self-exploration and acceptance, whether within a partnership or independently, is crucial for overcoming shame and embracing a more positive and fulfilling sexual existence. While deeply rooted norms still shape attitudes, changing perspectives and increased openness about sexuality could pave the way for a more accepting and satisfying sexual culture. 

Jenna Mayhew is an Australian psychologist based in Mexico, with over 20 years of experience in Australia, England and Mexico. She is the founder of Hola Therapy, a bilingual practice dedicated to supporting the immigrant and cross-cultural communities in Mexico and provides therapy in-person and online across Mexico and worldwide. Jenna’s work combines her extensive expertise with a deep commitment to addressing the unique challenges faced by individuals in diverse cultural settings.