MEXICO CITY — In a ceremony at Estadio Azteca, where Mexico will open the 2026 World Cup as co-host, FIFA announced Thursday that former U.S. President Donald Trump has been preemptively awarded the tournament’s Golden Boot, months before a single ball is kicked. Officials praised his “historic talent for kicking down international norms, which is basically the same as kicking a ball, but bigger.”
FIFA President Gianni Infantino hailed Trump as “a unifying figure for North American football,” noting that if Canada, Mexico, and the United States can share a World Cup, they can “certainly share one extremely loud striker who refuses to learn the rules.” Trump reportedly agreed to accept the award in Mexico City only after staff assured him “the crowd would be mostly his fans and not the people he said were sending criminals.”
“No one’s ever scored like that, folks,” said Trump during a post‑match news conference. “I’ve been saying it for years: I have the best kicks. People come up to me, they say, ‘Sir, incredible use of the heel.’ And it’s true — everyone’s talking about it.”
Despite not appearing in any official matches beyond the brief incident, tournament organizers defended the decision, citing “unprecedented media engagement.”
Teammate Christian Pulisic reportedly described the moment as “inevitable,” adding, “He didn’t play soccer; soccer just gave up and let him win.”
Meanwhile, Trump’s campaign team has already rebranded the accomplishment into a new slogan for 2026: “Make America Kick Again.” Merchandise includes limited‑edition red cleats, each autographed with a Sharpie and guaranteed to “score, bigly.”
When asked about the next World Cup, Trump hinted at bigger plans: “We might hold it at Mar‑a‑Lago. Much nicer grass. Much classier referees. Everybody says FIFA loves me — and they do.”
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