El Jalapeño: Mexico City’s AIFA airport hits 7 passengers in 2025, targets 9 in 2026

SANTA LUCÍA — Celebrating what officials described as “record-breaking momentum,” the Felipe Ángeles International Airport (AIFA) announced it successfully handled seven passengers in 2025, surpassing internal projections and setting its sights on “a bold new target” of nine travelers for 2026. The airport, billed as an alternative to Mexico City’s existing AICM, has proved marginally more successful than the unfinished and currently underwater site in Lake Texcoco.

Minister of Infrastructure Arístides Rojas praised the achievement in a televised ceremony, stating that “AIFA’s passenger traffic growth rate of 28.6% stands as the highest in national history, technically speaking.”

A photo of the busiest check-in session of 2025.

Government press releases highlighted the monumental feat, noting that among the seven passengers, three were related to airport staff, two were lost Uber drivers, and one mistook AIFA for a museum. “This shows unprecedented engagement with the public,” said Rojas, flanked by a banner reading AIFA: Soaring Into Double Digits.’

Airport management confirmed that modernization efforts are well underway to support the forecasted boom. Plans include hiring an additional security guard and opening a second vending machine “to accommodate demand surges during rush hour — projected between 4:15 and 4:20 PM on a Tuesday in November.” A new rail line from the city center will also cut journey times to just under two and a half days,  which Rojas praised as “nearly as fast as the Conquistadors, when they first made the journey in 1519.”

Economic analysts reacted cautiously. “Nine is ambitious,” said aviation consultant María Vargas. “That’s a 28% increase in throughput. At that scale, supply chains, ticket printers, and morale could all collapse.” Still, government sources insist that AIFA remains the crown jewel of national infrastructure: “By 2030, we could break the double-digit barrier—no other airport will come close… except all of them.”

At press time, the airport reported a mysterious eighth arrival — a pigeon — though officials have yet to confirm if it counts toward the 2026 goal.

El Jalapeño is a satirical news outlet. Nothing in this article should be treated as real news or legitimate information. For the brave souls seeking context, the real news article that inspired this piece can be found here. Check out our Jalapeño archive here!

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