All stories in El Jalapeño are satire and not real news.
MEXICO CITY — Citing U.S. President Donald Trump’s attempts to purchase Greenland as “a groundbreaking precedent in international real estate law,” top Mexican legal experts announced Monday that they are reviewing the move as the basis for a new plan to legally reclaim Texas.
“Trump opened the door when he insisted sovereign territory could just be bought if you want it badly enough,” said Dr. Carla Jiménez, constitutional law professor at the Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México. “We simply wish to expand on his theories — albeit in the opposite direction and with a much better food scene.”
Sources within the Peña Nieto Institute for Advanced Territorial Law confirmed the research has already led to lively debate over whether to annex Austin first for its live music or Houston for its “rich petrochemical opportunities and really good tacos.”
U.S. officials have not issued a formal response, though several Texas residents were reportedly open to negotiation. “Depends if they’ll honor our Costco memberships,” said Plano accountant Brad Miller.
At press time, Canada had ordered a full review of the findings to determine whether “this new buy-a-country thing” might help them finally secure Hawaii.
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