All stories in El Jalapeño are satire and not real news.
SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE — Expressing deep concern for the town’s shifting character, recently arrived San Miguel de Allende residents said this week that rampant gentrification has made it “nearly impossible” to find a tasteful colonial estate for under US $2 million.
“I just wanted something authentically local — maybe a centuries-old home with hand-painted tiles, rooftop terrace, infinity pool, and private chef — but locals have completely priced us out,” lamented newcomer Karen Fitzpatrick, sipping a lavender cortado in what used to be a neighborhood hardware store. “How can anyone live like this? It’s tragic what’s happening to real people like us.”
Many residents blame the sudden wave of remote-working expats for driving prices sky-high. “When I first got here last year, you could get a three-bedroom villa in Centro for a mere $1.6 million,” said part-time novelist and full-time resident expat Brian Ellison. “Now? Forget it. You have to go way out to the edge of town — sometimes as far as a 10-minute golf-cart ride.”
Local community members say they’re torn between amusement and disbelief. “It’s touching to see people who earn Silicon Valley salaries concerned about affordability,” said lifelong San Miguel resident Alejandra Juárez. “They keep asking how to support the local economy, but then drive out all the Mexicans.”
At press time, distraught newcomers were reportedly gathering at the farmers’ market to organize a protest against rising property costs — right after their $150 organic brunch reservation.
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