El Jalapeño: Trump warns Shakira her crowds are fine but his crowds are much bigger, maybe the biggest ever

All stories in El Jalapeño are satire and not real news. Check out the article that inspired this piece here.

MAR-A-LAGO — President Donald Trump attacked Colombian pop star Shakira on Truth Social Wednesday, describing her recent Mexican concert tour as “very average, frankly disappointing” and noting that his own rallies have consistently drawn larger crowds, better energy, and “in many cases, much better music.”

“Looked empty to me,” Trump posted, of a Zocálo that was held an estimated 400,000 people. “I’ve had rallies in places you’ve never heard of — smaller states, very beautiful states — and the people, the crowds, were incredible. Nobody covers it.”

The post, which arrived at 5:54am, caught Shakira’s publicity team off guard, largely because no one had previously suggested that a Shakira concert and a Trump rally occupied the same competitive category.

MÉXICO, D.F27MAYO2007.-La cantante colombiana Shakira durante su presentación en el zocalo capitalino como parte de su gira Fijacion Oral FOTO: SAÚL LÓPEZ ESCORCIA/CUARTOSCURO.COM
These hips have never been sued by Dominion voting machines. (Saúl López/Cuartoscuro)

White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt confirmed Wednesday that the president “stands by his crowd size record,” which she described as “unimpeachable and well-documented,” declining to specify which documents she was referring to.

Political analysts noted that Trump has raised the subject of crowd sizes in contexts including a CIA memorial ceremony, a papal funeral, and now a Shakira tour, suggesting the issue remains a consistent presidential priority.

Shakira, currently somewhere in Latin America to considerable public enthusiasm, has not responded.

Her hips, sources close to the situation confirmed, do not lie.

President Sheinbaum, asked about the president’s comments at her morning press conference, paused for a moment, thanked the reporter, and moved on.

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