Most tourists in Mexico have heard the grisly tales of ritual execution in Mesoamerica in which priests tear out the living hearts of their victims. But this ancient ritual is child’s play compared to the current torture endured by guests at Mexico City’s Burger Bar joint tangling with a more dangerous weapon than a dagger: a hamburger.
With three locations in the capital, Burger Bar Joint has offered fame for twelve years, a certificate and a gift card to any who can finish the fires, beer and Hades-level spicy burger in three minutes or less. According to the manager of the Roma location, Omar López, only a few participants finish each year. And few even come close to the record just north of two minutes. And it is never a gringo. Gringos never win.
On a chilly Friday night on Avenida Álvaro Obregón, three willing eaters attempted to make history in three minutes. They all failed.
“No pica! No pica!” shouted Hugo Velazquez as he blasted into the first few bites of a burger roughly as tall as a bowling ball. But two minutes in, his eyes looked like those of a man with deep regrets. A few days later, he admitted he was lying and that his stomach at the time was surpassing the volcanic potential of Popocatépetl.
Juan Vidal Chamo was in trouble immediately. Within thirty seconds, tears started to pool in his eyes, and he continued to shake his head as if he had just realized he had married the wrong woman. His life would never be the same.
The odd one was the young Yael de la Sancha, who would not win either but kept the mood light by cracking jokes and silly comments between bites, making it even harder for the others to swallow. The crazy dude was actually having fun! Kids these days.
The accompanying pageantry of sparklers and a staff-led countdown makes it impossible for someone to back out at the last minute. Once the contest starts, giving up before the three minutes would result in crowd shaming of the highest order.
It makes one wonder about ridiculous contests like this in general. Why do humans do these things? Well, because it is considered a sport. Heck, if poker can be featured on ESPN, why not hot dog eating? In fact, it is.
Around the world, eating contests draw huge crowds. There is a long history dating back to the Roman Empire involving overeating, hence the myth about the vomitorium. One chap in England named Nicholas Wood known as The Great Eater of Kent is rumored to have eaten an entire sheep. A French soldier named Tarrare may or may not have eaten a whole toddler in a single sitting (whether or not you find this achievement impressive is a sort of Rorschach test).
But the kings of gluttony would, quite obviously, be the Americans. Who else would have an official league for such a venture? Professional eaters can travel the circuit of Major League Eating to win prizes by chomping down on tamales in Lewisville, TX, chicken wings in Orchard Park, NY, or glazed donuts in Washington, DC.
If that is not enough, other countries have taken their traditional cuisine and attached a time. Austria has the Schnitzel Challenge. Croatia has the “Nightmare” BBQ Platter Challenge. Singapore hosts the Jumbo Korean Jajangmyeon Bowl Challenge. And, of course, Italy holds the Spaghetti Carbonara Pasta Challenge.
Strangely, Mexico is a bit late to the competitive eating game, considering its proximity to Texas and all things larger than life. Considering cultural events such as lucha libre and a festival dedicated to blowing stuff up, it would seem that this extreme pastime would have been part of the landscape long ago. Perhaps the time is ripe for a whole series of Mexican competitive eating.
After all, how hard would it be to offer prizes for contestants to fill themselves with burritos, camotes, chile en nogada or big-ass bowls of nopal?
Until then, make the loser take a trip to the Burger Bar Joint in any wager you may have won and watch them fail at another ridiculous contest. The looks on people’s faces will make it all worth it.
Jimmy Monack is a teacher, photographer and award-winning writer. He profiles interesting people all around the world as well as writing about and photographing rock concerts. He lives in Mexico City. www.jimmymonack.com
