Growing up as a Mexican Canadian, I often found myself between two worlds and two families. The first was in my hometown of Montreal, Canada, where I’d go to school, work a part-time job, and socialize for eleven and a half months of the year. I’d be around other Canadians who had a similar family environment, even if most of us originated from different ethnic backgrounds.
But in the last two weeks of each year, my mother would take me and my brother to see my grandmother in Mexico City. There, I’d be met with a different set of house rules and cultural norms I didn’t get from my Canadian side.
Here’s what I learned about the differences between Mexican and Canadian families:
Family is everywhere
Whenever I land in Mexico, I get a call from my grandmother asking when I’d be at the house. Once I knock on the door, there’s always an uncle, aunt, or cousin who just “happened to be in the area” ready to greet me, catch up, and then take me out for tacos somewhere.
Mexicans seem to have an almost permanent open door policy when it comes to family members, close friends and neighbors, which makes it nearly impossible to get any privacy if you’re an ambivert like myself who sometimes needs to recharge his social batteries.
Want to check out a new taqueria? Your cousins have probably gone before and are happy to take you there. Want to watch something on TV? Your grandmother, parents, and some aunts and uncles will ask you what show and sit next to you on the couch.
If I decide to write an article by myself at a café in Roma Norte, somehow a family member will find out and ask why I didn’t invite anyone to tag along.
On the other hand, I usually don’t see most of my extended Canadian family often unless it’s a holiday period. During the normal mundane days of the year, Canadians will focus their attention on work responsibilities and feel comfortable watching Netflix alone or sitting in a café with a laptop and headphones.
Chances are, not many relatives from my Canadian side will know exactly what I did throughout the year unless I posted constantly on social media and went viral.
The difference between what I experienced in Mexico is stark. But Mexicans also love chisme, so I like to joke that it’s one reason why they’re a lot closer than Canadians. What’s the point of having an uncle who got ripped off at a flea market or a second cousin who got engaged if you can’t find out and go over every little detail, right?
Gatherings over food are more sacred
It’s not uncommon in my Canadian household and in many others that I’ve encountered to find everyone in the family dynamic eating in separate rooms. Maybe the mother eats in the kitchen with her phone open, the father eats in front of the television because there’s a hockey or football game and the children eat in their bedrooms.
Different work schedules and fast food options also tend to affect the lost family tradition of gathering around the dinner table. I’ve had days when I’d finish work at 5:00 p.m. but get a quick poutine at a nearby restaurant because I knew I wouldn’t be home until around 8:00 p.m. due to rush hour traffic in the metro and highway.
If you are around Montreal on a weekday, you’ll see restaurants filled with people having an early dinner with colleagues or by themselves. You’ll rarely see them with their immediate or extended families.
But with my Mexican family, I’ve noticed there’s more importance on making time for good food, conversation and quality time with loved ones. You can’t get away with taking a plate into your room to eat and watch YouTube videos alone on your bed.
In Mexico, making someone a meal and sharing food is how we show and express gratitude. It’s how we foster strong connections that go beyond the culinary delights. Every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday in particular, my Mexican side has made it an obligation to make time for family dinners no matter what’s happening in our lives. As I’ve travelled and befriended other Mexicans, I’ve noticed the heart of their family is also at the dinner table. It’s wholesome, universal, and something I wish we had more of in Canada.
Never miss a wedding or holiday event without a good excuse
Mexican people work hard. But we do so in order to live — we don’t live to work like in Canada. If you’re with family at a wedding, a ten-year-old’s birthday party, or celebrating a religious holiday or family milestone, your family expects you to be present for those special occasions, not thinking about replying to an email or your Monday workload.
If I can’t make it to a cousin’s wedding in Canada, all I have to do is explain why and wish them the best. If we’re really close, I promise to make up for it with a nice dinner, and often that’s more than enough.
But when I couldn’t attend my Mexican cousin María’s wedding five years ago, the questions I got were relentless and almost dramatic.
“What are you doing that’s more important?” my aunt texted me on WhatsApp. “You grew up together. She loves you, and so do we. Please, come! Explain to your boss.”
I can go on, but you get the idea. Other than the dinner table, life events within a Mexican family are crucial to nourish relationships. When I went to another Mexican family wedding two years ago, we partied literally all night, took lots of photos, and danced nonstop — quite the difference from Canadian events. It’s another way to show love in Mexican culture. Keeping up appearances matters because it demonstrates that you care.
Are you ready to meet the family?
It’s fair to say Mexican families are full of personalities, core values, little dramas, and endless affection for those they love. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
If my thoughts on Mexican and Canadian families struck a chord with you, or if you have a similar bicultural experience, why not let us know in the comments?
Ian Ostroff is an indie author, journalist, and copywriter from Montreal, Canada. You can find his work in various outlets, including Map Happy and The Suburban. When he’s not writing, you can find Ian at the gym, a café, or anywhere within Mexico visiting family and friends.
