Monday, February 9, 2026

MKT PAID Top news stories

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Disclaimer: All stories in El Jalapeño are satire and not real news.
“Precisely one minute and 17 seconds after calling Claudia Sheinbaum “a wonderful and highly intelligent leader,” Donald Trump returned to Truth Social to say pretty much the exact opposite in an about-face that surprised absolutely no one.”

El Jalapeño

In news that didn’t happen: Trump threatens Mexico over having too many ideas about independence.

“All I want is a piece of desert,” said President Sheinbaum. Except of course, she didn’t — it’s our satirical story of the week.


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In news that would shock the nation if it was real, 20% of Mexico tacos are now imported from China. At least they’re priced competitively.


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