El Jalapeño: Here’s what didn’t happen in 2025

Mexico News Daily’s satirical newswire, El Jalapeño launched this year, offering a look at a hilarious world of news headlines that might have happened… in another dimension.

From accidental airstrikes to aquatic airports (and even a celebrity taco stand), we’ve had no shortage of great headlines in 2025.

Here are some of the funniest moments of the year:

Pete Hegseth sinks the Marigalena

El Jalapeño: Pete Hegseth declares victory in War on Drugs after sinking Puerto Vallarta booze cruise

Xochimilco welcomes a new airport

El Jalapeño: After Lake Texcoco water levels rise, planned airport moves to Xochimilco

Donald Trump wins the Golden Boot

El Jalapeño: FIFA awards Donald Trump Golden Boot before 2026 World Cup even begins

Costco takes over Tulum

El Jalapeño: Costco to open stores on Tulum beach and San Miguel central plaza

El Jalapeño is a satirical news outlet. Nothing in this article should be treated as real news or legitimate information. For the brave souls seeking context, the real news article that inspired this piece can be found here.

If you have an idea for a Jalapeño article, let us know here!

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El Jalapeño: Mexico to reduce deficit by renting out National Palace; tanning salon and quinceañera hall now accepting bookings

0
Mexico is monetising the National Palace to reduce the deficit. The tanning balcony is now bookable by the hour. The east courtyard is available for quinceañeras. The tamales will be gone before you arrive. This is official government policy.

El Jalapeño: 300-kg crocodile relocated for safety of tourists, even though it was there first

5
It's bold to tell an ancient monster of the deep to get out of its own home, but it looks like that's exactly what people in Puerto Escondido did.

El Jalapeño: Hot Wheels announces expanded Mexico collection; will include mattress pickup and microbus with functioning saint

6
Nothing says "Viva Mexico" like a toy garbage truck with a real, working airhorn.
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